As much as some fantasy premier league managers complain about how the game has changed season to season, one truth has remained steadfast: the right captain pick will one hundred percent make or break your gameweek score. My own personal record of picking correctly has been pretty piss-poor in 2017, but I keep reminding myself that you have to play the best choice with the information at hand and not beat yourself up too much for getting it wrong. I’m hoping to improve and see green arrows again, and if not, then I will ask for support from this week’s theme and everyone’s favorite household object, whiskey! Best of luck!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Injury and mystique.  Rotation and differentials.  That’s what the FPL does.  The attacking-type players that I am speaking of are becoming fewer and farther between as we get more nodded on with a template-type format for the front 8 players.  Yes, I said 8.  Because you have to roster 8.  Those two punts that you casually stroll out as Midfielders are dying as you walk in the door, so go to coat check with your Carroll’s and RLC’s.  The week 13-15 schedule is going to take a firm bite out of everyone’s lineups and no one is a tad bit nervous at all.  The fact of the matter is that the 3 games in eight days thing is a real conundrum.  Now add in the most rostered type players, who some have rotation issues.  Some are already injured… Sadio.  Then add in the battle ground of playing 3 fixtures in that 8 day period.  If you are picking up what I am spitting then you need to start figuring out those bench spots and think for the future instead of looking at how good one fixture looks for week 12.  So for the short-sighted… here are the week 12 FPL rankings for Middies and Forwards.  Cheers!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

In now over a decade of competing a ton of different fantasy sports, the dubious task of ranking a bunch of dudes chasing after a ball/puck for the sheer shake of scoring points has never rested on my shoulders. This week, I’m gonna try my best to step up and tell you which players are gonna shit on the competition and give you the big returns that fuel your green arrows of eternal joy. This is not about value, but who will get you points this gameweek. I seriously have no idea how this is done, but I’ll be using a mixture of form, fixtures and gut feel – for the record, I have a case of the bubbleguts right now as I write this, so that’s probably the X factor in all of this. TMI? Nah, just tryna be transparent, yo!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times… from an FPL perspective.  You either own the goods that is Man City, are partially involved, or are completely ignoring the problem, like a leak in the ceiling.  Well, if you aren’t fully invested into the City involvement in midfield and forward,s then I don’t know how you play this game.  Because you are playing Tiddlywinks and we are playing Mah-Jong.  Yeah I said it, Mah-Jong.  While searching my vast array of board games, I settled on Mah-Jong.  I also lost a bet and had to include the term Mah-Jong five times in this post.  C’est la vie.  There are worst terms though.  I basically threw five obtusely unrelated names of games or people into a hat and drew the one that I have said previously. So deal with it.  If you came for fantasy footie ideas and shakes patience, it is coming.  The City attack is just lethal.  The only problem is there is too many players to choose from.  With Raheem, Jesus, Leroy, Silva, KDB and the return of Aguero imminent, the choice is almost like Sophie’s choice but with six kids instead of just two.  The best part of the whole thing is that there doesn’t seem to be a bad combo of the six-headed monster, except if you want to own both Jesus or Sergio.  That just don’t make sense, it’s like to left shoes.  So while you look at your team, the time to punt down on defense is now.  Save that money for the goal scorers and forward players especially from the City-zens.  In case you wanted more ideas on transfers and FPL goodness click the button for more stuff, Mah-Jong.  Got that last one in there.  Cheers!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hey campers, I’ve decided to change the format this week because I’m not sure how informative any of my past takes have truly been. While the tables below are literally just the top scoring players by position per last round, I feel like giving it a try.  The MF list this week was pretty long, so I’ve left out players that didn’t score above 3 points (90 min + 1 CS for those of you scoring at home). It may not be waxing prose, but who scored the points is as relevant as it gets to our lovely pocket of the football universe, since the currency we deal in is indeed FPL points and not effort points or gold stars.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Away: Manchester City (1) – Home: Chelsea (0)

The marquee match played at Stamford Bridge on Saturday felt like an away game for Chelsea, as Man City came out relentless from the start pressuring up top and pushing Chelsea back. Chelsea never looked comfortable playing out of the back, and Man City dominated early and often. Alvaro Morata picked up a hamstring injury in the 34th minute, and was replaced by Willian who saw little opportunity to attack alongside Eden Hazard.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Away: Man City (6) – Home: Watford (0)

Man City is flying through the early portion of the prem – through 5 games, 16 goals scored and only 2 against (1 by Everton and 1 by Bournemouth). Aguero dominated the attack with a hat trick, Jesus netted a goal, Otamendi burried a header and Sterling scored on a late penalty. So many points to miss out on when you don’t have any of these players, which begs the question, why don’t we have any of these players? Clearly it’s time to reevaluate who you like the most between Jesus and Aguero, allocate funds and bring one of them – my advice would be to trust your gut and don’t ever look back, as they will both return points and hopping back and forth will make you lose out on consistent returns, which they will provide throughout the season as long as that attacking midfield and defense remain healthy.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

So I saw It over the weekend, and while I didn’t even come close to crapping my pants in fear (thanks hangover!), I’m about 99% sure that Harry Kane’s fear of August shares a creepy amount of commonalities with that homicidal crazed clown creature; both of them enjoy floating through open space (Kane on the pitch; the clown in a mind-altering expanse of sewer pipe only Mario would be jealous of), speaking in weird accents (seriously, listen to Harry Kane give an interview sometime), have an affinity for the color white (duh), and lastly, they both enjoy making red balloons go POP! (metaphorically speaking, that would be the hopes/dreams of all Gunner fans everywhere; FFS that’s not a spoiler! he’s a clown, he owns balloons!) Whether or not the fear of August (Augustamphobia?) has an actual effect on Kane’s past performances (it doesn’t), it’s good to see him conquering his “fears” and getting on the board with a brace, a very important and necessary step as he looks to become only the third player in Premier League history to win three consecutive Golden Boots. The other two are Prem Legends Alan Shearer and Thierry Henry, who were 24 and 26, respectively, when they won the first of their three Botas Doradas. Kane just turned 24 this past July and has two under the belt. To paraphrase another mildy entertaining movie, you’re [once again] a wizard, Harryyyy!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Oh, Week 4 you young and burdening beast.  The season has just started and we are already questioning the judgments that we made yet a month ago.  No worries though faithful followers of the Razz.  Each week is almost like a new beginning if you had a wildcard to use at your discretion every week.  The rankings of midfielders and forwards is blossoming into a conundrum right before our very eyes.  We planted it in the summer, watched the transfer window closed and now that the shop is closed this is where we are.  18 more weeks until roster shake-ups again (if any) and the inevitable new wildcard.  So if you haven’t used your first wildcard yet, bene.  You have more restraint then most of the 5 million other players of this game.  So here are the rankings for the midfielders and forwards for week 4, regardless of wildcard.  Cheers!

Please, blog, may I have some more?