are more of the subtle yet deadly variety.  Why?  Because of the elite fixture that lies ahead this weekend between Liverpool and City.  It is tough to have tons of faith in two teams that are both FPL stalwarts like they are.  They basically neutralize each other on both ends of the pitch.  Liverpool has the best home defense is the league, and City just score anywhere.  City are a top 5 defensive team on the road and Liverpool score more at home.  It is like one hand washing the other this week.  All are still startable options this week as the money, ownership and transfer fees associated with making a one week move based on match-up just doesn’t make too much sense to this guy.  So be heady this week, don’t compound the DGW fiasco from last game week and make it worse and bury yourself further down the well.  So happy transferring this week and enjoy the next two weeks of transfer rumors.  Here are the week 23 rankings for the FPL. Cheers!

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The beloved clean sheet.  Coveted by all, ascertained by so few.  It is an allusive beast that lures you in with great match-ups and decent form and leaves you sobbing after relying on Bournemouth or Stoke.  I wish there was so anger algorithm for how late teams concede and complete take a poop on your fantasy week.  fear not though, last week’s misery is this week’s hope. As we head down the December trail of busy fixtures hunting points and lots of them.  The differentials and good run of fixtures are there for keepers and defense and week 16 is the beginning of some good runs, and unfortunately the end of some others.  So shift your funds around, get some in-form players and head in to the week with confidence knowing that what you have is the best you can do.  This pep talk is over, so here are the week 16 rankings for the FPL for keepers and defense.  Cheers!

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GW 15 Highest Scoring Forwards

Player, Team Goals Assists Bonus Points, Cards, PK, etc  Total Score (Week/Last 3 Weeks/Season)
Firmino, LIV 1 1 3 BP 12/15/67
Calvert-Lewin, EVE 1 1 3 BP 12/19/50
Morata, CHE 1 2 BP 8/11/83
Austin, SOU 1 1 BP 7/21/36
Diouf, STK 1 1 BP 7/9/54
Lacazette, ARS 1 6/13/64
Murray, BHA 1 6/9/44
Gayle, NEW 1 6/8/25
Bony, SWA 1 6/9/17
Rooney, EVE 1 1 CS 5/20/62
Crouch, STK 1 5/8/31
Jesus, MCI 1 1 YC 3/12/74
  • Firmino is a troll.
  • Morata will be returning quite regularly – although maybe not huge hauls – with Hazard looking like he’s rounding into top form.
  • The two forwards already mentioned are the only ones with likeable fixtures from the bunch. I’m probably not playing a third forward for a while and try to get prolific scoring from my midfield and defense.

GW 15 Highest Scoring Midfielders

Player, Team Goals Assists Bonus Points, Cards, PK, CS  Total Score (Week/Last 3 Weeks/Season)
Coutinho, LIV 1 3 2 BP 18/20/63
Hazard, CHE 2 3 BP 15/24/68
Lingard, MUN 2 3 BP 15/27/43
Fraser, BOU 1 3 BP 10/11/19
Sigurdsson, EVE 1 1 BP, 1 CS 9/21/47
David Silva, MCI 1 2 BP 9/11/78
Gray, LEI 1 1 CS 8/10/37
Can, LIV 1 1 BP 8/13/36
Allen, STK 1 3 BP 8/12/36
Shaqiri, STK 1 2 BP, 1 YC 8/19/69
Eriksen, TOT 1 3 BP 8/12/77
Surman, BOU 1 2 BP 7/12/57
Son, TOT 1 7/10/44
Ramsey, ARS 1 1 BP 6/22/79
Mahrez, LEI 1 1 CS 6/17/75
Salah, LIV 1 5/25/113
Martial, MUN 1 5/16/63
Pogba, MUN 2 1 RC 5/13/56
Dembélé, TOT 3 BP 5/8/20
De Bruyne, MCI 1 1 YC 4/19/91
Redmond, SOU 1 4/6/37
Cleverly, WAT 1 4/9/46
  • Sigurdsson has now returned in 4 straight matches, totaling 2 goals and 2 assists for 8/7/5/9 for 29 points after not having a single return through the first 11 weeks.
  • Shaqiri’s last 6 matches: 5/13/5/9/2/8 for a total of 42 points (3 goals and 2 assists).
  • Hazard is flying high again and I’m slightly ina  bind to bring him in with 3 Chelsea assets. If you can get him, do so.
  • “Pogba is the most important attacking player on Manchester United, and while I know Jose Mourinho will need him for every match, you have to think his biggest concern will be to keep him healthy until Champions league enters the knockout stages (these fall between GW 27-28 and GW 29-31. Pogba absolutely has great value while priced at £8.0m, as he remains cheaper than any of the big Man City MFs and will definitely feast against poor defensive teams; just be warned he might not always go the full 90 as Mourinho will very carefully manage his overall fitness.” – myself 2 weeks ago.
    • Well, he’s definitely getting his fitness managed. Out with a 3 game suspension until December 23rd from a redcard from stamping down on Hector Bellerín. Sell and upgrade to Hazard, or maybe speculatively add Jesse Lingard. He’s played 87 and 75 minutes over the last two weeks, the most in back to back matches he’s had all season. Oh, Could be a sneaky play to fill in for Pogba at £5.8m. After they play home to city, ManU are home to Bournemouth and away to West Brom. Great punt.
  • Will Hughes is hurt! Bummer, I’ll only be looking to add him once he’s played a full 90. Doucoré looked dangerous versus Spurs, I’d add him if you need a cheap £5.4m. GW16 Watford faces away to Burnley, followed by Crystal Palace (A), Huddersfield (H), Brighton (A), Leicester (H) and Swansea (H) to end 2017.
  • Eriksen got a return. I’d still sell there and get some Hazard.
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I wish the FPl scoring system was more like Oprah.  You get a clean sheet!  You get a Clean Sheet! Yes, even you get a clean sheet.  Unfortunately it doesn’t work that way, that just having someone in attendence gets one.  It is done the old fashioned way and it is earned.  the clean sheet guessing game has been blowing up in our faces as of late as teams that look like tidy games have yielded results not so comforting to the point accumulation.  Best advice is don’t gamble.  they have gambling anonymous hotlines to help you in such affairs.  keep it simple gather the best guys at an affordable rate, even the cheapest options to a great defense, and rock out with that.  At worst you need three great/good defenseman.  I recommend having at least four with intrinsic value and then work from there.  take the gamble out of the equation and just follow the buzzards of the FPL universe, but don’t be a complete lemming.  Forge your own path to defensive greatness and look for differentials they are out there.  All you have to do is look.  here are the week 12 FPl rankings for keeps and D.  Cheers!

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With the Carabao Cup, or whatever it is being called today, being played this week and 11 teams in the Premier being involved in it, I figured waiting a day isn’t such a bad idea.  I mean, when does waiting to see the overall details come back to haunt you?  Maybe with a cheating ex-girlfriend, but other than that, I am clueless.  She got what she will deserve, and no one will ever find her body… I am kidding.  So moving on to Week 10 of the FPL, we either own Harry Kane or we do not.  Unfortunately, there is no middle road, like joint custody.  If you look back on most or all the high scoring FPL teams, he was an intricate part and moving forward I think he is a better rotation-less risk than the City duo.  So if you are chasing the ever fruitful Forward teet, lean in that direction.  But that is not what this Transfer post is all about, we want the here and now… and the unheralded.  The best part is you get the best of me saying it like it is about guys who either have a great match-up, good form, or I am just batty about.  So enjoy the transfer ideas for Week 10 of the FPL.  Cheers!

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That’s right lads we lasted all the way to Week 38 without being kidnapped, shot, or canceled.  I know I find all of this pretty shocking myself. But we made it and hopefully you found our content entertaining, helpful, and worthy of killing 10 minutes on the jon. I mean everyone knows the best place to read fantasy footie fodder is on the porcelain throne.  No?  With the finale schedule upcoming on Sunday it means that there’s 10 matches kicking off simultaneously.  This year’s final day features absolutely zero top four or championship drama, three clubs vying for two Europa spots, and Hull and Newcastle locked in a relegation battle.  This means we have exactly 5 games of any actual significance.  Those teams with something to play for will weigh heavily in my rankings this week.  Many of the usual suspects and studs of the 2014-2015 season will take a seat on the bench in favor of those that actually have a reason to suit up.   This is a scary week for those of you locked in title races with rosters full of Chelsea players, particularly if you own Eden Hazard.  The Belgian megastar is more than likely to miss Chelsea’s final match due to a dental problem.  Who knew the English knew what a dental problem was? (dun, dun, cymbal)  To a lesser extent the leftovers of Arsenal double week also must be of concern.  Now that they have about as much to play for as…hmmm…I don’t have an analogy. There’s in fact nothing in the world that has less to play for. Let’s quickly discuss the games of relevance below, and then list the top 11 at each position.  Fantasy Premier League Rankings Week 38…

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So, as we do every match day, we’re giving you our loves and hates for this week in a segment called Start ‘Em and Sit ‘Em.  You should know the drill but if you don’t, we each pick one option from each position, and then, for a bonus, we show you our genius line-ups for the week.  Pretty cut and dry, and quite simply… basic.  The best part is, you get two opinions for the price of one.  We do this as a tandem, it’s the Smokey and Ralph show.  It’s like musical chairs, without all the screaming kids and regretful feeling of loss. So sit back, relax, and have a look at who we would start and sit based on match-ups and value. It’s Start ‘Em, Sit ‘Em Week 33 Fantasy Premier League.

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I could start this post the way you expect me to, and talk about the short schedule and how we’re down to 7 matches and 14 teams but no I’m not going to do that. Or did I just do that?  Well either way no I’m going to instead complain about Boaz Myhill and how much of a turd sandwich wrapped in a used colostomy bag he’s been. Well maybe it’s not his fault, maybe it’s the corpse of a defense now being trotted out there under the guise of a Tony Pulis backline. What’s a matter Tony? This is soooo not like you. I expect this sort of horse manure from Andre Villa-Boas or Gus Poyet but not you. Myhill has been getting pummeled the last two weeks facing 11 shots and allowing 7 goals. I am officially declaring myself Myhill free. I will not include him this post and I’m throwing away all the mix CD’s he made me. That’s right mix CD’s! I still use a Discman and enjoy the feel of cold shinny plastic in my hands. It’s really of no consequence most of the songs were sappy Welsh folk music. No matter here’s the Goalkeeper ranks for Week 33.

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With the abbreviated schedule this week, its all about setting yourself up.  Whether you were a miser and kept your wild card or if you take it one at a time like dudes at a “soup kitchen”.  Either way this week is about do you have enough to field a roster, can you help yourself for week 34 where 4 clubs have a double week.  Granted only 2 of those teams have real usable fantasy options, but just imagine this, a roster of 6 Chelsea and Liverpool players and the best of the rest from other squads.  Sounds pretty good to me, well it’s basically what alot of teams have already as they should be maxing out on Chelsea and Liverpool players.  Well as much as salary restraints allow naturally.  But let’s stay in the here and now because Spring has sprung, it gives us more reason to pay attention to all those joggers and actually seeing skin from people.  Let’s see what’s going down with the transfer ideas/targets for the week of Larry Bird.

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Girls don’t fart, ice cream doesn’t make you fat, Falcao can still help Manchester United. All things that are utterly more believable than keepers can have value without providing clean sheets. Sure you can get your one or two measly points from saves but that’s not why we’re in this right? We’re in it to win it no ifs, ands, or buts. If that’s the case then you need to be prepared to move on from your keepers on a weekly basis. More often than not I find most of my transfers at this point in the season are spent on keepers and defenders with a clean sheet focus. This is a great way to maximize your points and get the most from your incoming transfers from week to week. So keep that in mind when checking out my keeper ranks for the week below, and as always good luck lads!

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