With Blanks draw contempt. A brilliant man once said that, and that man was Wayne Shaw’s brother Bernard Shaw. Smart guy, wandering transfer fingers though. So with week 26 here, and as I have so elaborately explained in the transfer post, don’t be a lemming! Unless being a lemming in the transfer market is to defend your throne. If you are chasing points in your money leagues or mini-leagues, think differently. You kinda have to with the blank weeks and soon-to-be double game weeks. Going with the flow wasn’t cool for the Fonz, so it shouldn’t be cool with you. You think Pinky Tuscadero would have paid him any attention if he was boring? Hell nah. Where was I, oh that’s right, week 26 rankings. So this week is broken down into basically defense and attack with midfielders and forwards coming your way manana, so stay tuned. But stay in the here and now and concentrate on the keepers and defense. Rostering too many blank players leaves you with a blank expression when Monday rolls around and you are sitting 10 points below the average score. So sit back, relax and enjoy week 26 because the roller coaster that is the FPL is now in full effect. Cheers!

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Sometimes the best defense is having a good offense.  That reigns true when Alonso goes double-dipping last week, or if you take a look at some of the tastier fixtures for the upper-echelon defenses this week.  Look no further than the fixtures of Chelsea, Arsenal, and Liverpool and you can see why the ownership rates of some of their players is on the rise or is in the top tiers of pricing. There is always a reason for the price tags that accompany the players.  It is because they usually earned them, sad but true.  In some cases, they don’t but we can all determine the haves and the have nots by now.  So don’t go chasing defensive waterfalls, stick to the rivers and the lakes that you’re used to.  And remember, a good defense is the best differential going in this game. So be heady and smart.  Good luck and Cheers!

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We’re once again giving you our loves and hates for each week in a segment called “Start ‘Em and Sit ‘Em”.  You should know the drill, but if you don’t, we pick one option from each position.  Pretty cut and dry, and quite simply… basic.  It is more based on my feelings and gut approach for the week upcoming and changes from week-to-week.  I look at match-ups and form to formulate my craziness.  It’s like musical chairs, without all the screaming kids and regretful feeling of loss. So sit back, relax, and have a look at who we would start and sit based on match-ups and value. It’s Fantasy Premier League Start ‘Em, Sit ‘Em, Week 3 (plus a sleeper/under-owned fella that should be owned and isn’t).

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The whole point of this ranking exercise is to get you, me, and the strange guy eating a portobello sandwich at the bus stop on the same page. The techniques for ranking teams, keepers, and defense is narrowed down to two key factors: Those factors aren’t new by any stretch of the imagination and haven’t changed in the years that I have been partaking in this fabulous game. The things to hone your skills on every week are form, and clean sheet predictability. Yeah, other things matter, like their favorite color… mine is Robin’s egg blue if you were wondering, but for the official game, it’s like making the same breakfast everyday for 38 weeks and enjoying the outcomes. So when you are analyzing who to roster or transfer in/out; look for those two things. So with Week 3 upon us and some mid-week cup action to either give us light or make it completely shaded we take you to the rankings for keepers and defense.

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Boxing Day, a concept foreign to those of us here in the States. If I were really funny I might make a snarky quip about english people boxing one another. But alas, I am not that intelligent, or quick witted. Instead I’ll explain that traditionally Boxing Day is a holiday based around rich people re-gifting the crap they don’t want and giving it to their servants. If anyone tries to sell a different bill of goods, you punch them right in the face. Unless they have a re-gifted present, then you accept it and re-gift said re-gifted present to the poorest person you know. There in lies the magic of Boxing Day! So what does this all have to do with Fantasy Premier League? Well as many of you may know Boxing Day is an FPL addicts dream. No, not the buxom english woman in your favorite club’s jersey. It’s the realistic one! You have 10 games in one day, and it just so happens to be a national holiday in most parts of the English speaking world. So hopefully you are lucky enough to be on the couch watching all this unfold. I have to say, the UK does it right, seems the norm to take two weeks off from work. They have a day of giving after a day of giving! And, to top it all off, they cram 30 top flight games into 7 days..ummmm.Best…Thing…Ever! However due to the hectic schedule we’re going with our truncated list rankings. So scroll through and post your questions, suggestions, and statements of shame in the comments below. Oh BTW Merry Christmas you magnificent bastards! Onto the Rankings week 18 Style!

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Did you forget about your FPL team again? Keep missing those pesky transfer deadlines? Do you still have Sergio Agüero as your captain? Are you feeling helpless? Alone? What are you wearing? Sorry forget that last one that was creepy…What I was trying to get at was, none of that matters in one week fantasy games on DraftKings. No matter how hurt you’ve been in the past DraftKings will still love you. Hell, they’ll pay you handsomely for your English Football knowledge. How about to the tune of up to $6,000 in prizes in this $27 entry contest. File that under the sweet deal category. Think of DraftKings like one of those second virginity clubs that reformed tramps join. Only they give you money, which I guess is pretty trampy. Cust Kayin!

If that’s not enough excitement for one weekend and you want to test you metal against yours truly. We have two contests this weekend, one for Saturday’s matches, and another for Sunday’s/Monday matches. They are 10 team contests, with a $2 entry fee, and the top two players in each will get paid. So sign up, and see if you have what it takes to beat me.

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After 3 Matchweeks in the course of nine days we’ve truncated the rankings into these short easy to read versions. I like using the term “easy to read” because it takes a positive spin on “we’re too lazy to write full rankings so you’re getting these sucka!” I mean seriously do you care what we think, in depth, about the 11th ranked keeper for the week? Which is why going forward most of my content will consist of fart jokes and bad puns…Terrible puns. Only one hurdle on that one, I’m not sure what the Exec’s out on the West Coast would think so I’ll stick to Soccer/Football/Futbol/AHHHHHHH. The last one is what my Wife’s Uncle says when anyone talks about soccer/football/futbol/ahhhhhhh. Don’t worry we’ll be back to our regularly scheduled programming next week with the full rankings. So until then, I bid you adieu.

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Short week, and the rankings need to be rushed.  So instead of two long drawn out days of you sitting on your computer hitting refresh, you get them all in one gigantic list, plus some word of genius for each group.  Free of charge, naturally.  So get your transfers in, because the games start in 24 hours.  Go do it now!  Wait, you might as well finish reading this and then compare and contrast like the vision test you take at the optometrist.  So with the short week, we give you an all in one look at this week’s rankings.  Stay tuned because this roller coaster goes around again in three days.

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The back-enders are the key to every fantasy team.  The only problem is they are so tied to the clean sheet, that it makes it hard to commit to guys on a week-in and week-out basis.  Best strategy I have learned for this is that you should really pay for four starters and hope three have great match-ups and use the other as your first sub.  It’s not concrete, but gives you the insurance that you need when you can only transfer once a week.  Especially this week, when fantasy defensive stalwarts like Ryan Bertrand and Nathaniel Clyne face a rough patch in their schedule.  So stay ahead of the game, add one now and make sure you have the one in reserve.  This is breought to you by the learning is half the battle campaign, sponsored by Kung Fu grip.   Enjoy this week’s defender ranking, questions, comments and curse words are always welcomed.

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So, as we do every Friday, we’re giving you our loves and hates for this week in a segment called Start ‘Em and Sit ‘Em.  You should know the drill but if you don’t, we each pick one option from each position, and then, for a bonus, we show you our genius line-ups for the week.  Pretty cut and dry, and quite simply… basic.  The best part is, you get two opinions for the price of one.  We do this as a tandem, it’s the Smokey and Ralph show.  It’s like musical chairs, without all the screaming kids and regretful feeling of loss. So, Week 12 has a slew of intriguing games and some lopsided affairs as well. Fear not though, as there are no lopsided matches in Fantasy EPL. Well, there is if you don’t have the foggiest idea of what you are doing, or just don’t listen to us. So have a look at who we would start and sit based on match-ups and value.

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