In now over a decade of competing a ton of different fantasy sports, the dubious task of ranking a bunch of dudes chasing after a ball/puck for the sheer shake of scoring points has never rested on my shoulders. This week, I’m gonna try my best to step up and tell you which players are gonna shit on the competition and give you the big returns that fuel your green arrows of eternal joy. This is not about value, but who will get you points this gameweek. I seriously have no idea how this is done, but I’ll be using a mixture of form, fixtures and gut feel – for the record, I have a case of the bubbleguts right now as I write this, so that’s probably the X factor in all of this. TMI? Nah, just tryna be transparent, yo!

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We’re once again giving you our loves and hates for each week in a segment called “Start ‘Em and Sit ‘Em”.  You should know the drill, but if you don’t, we pick one option from each position.  Pretty cut and dry, and quite simply… basic.  It is more based on my feelings and gut approach for the week’s upcoming and changes from week-to-week.  I look at match-ups and form to formulate my craziness.  It’s like musical chairs, without all the screaming kids and regretful feeling of loss. So sit back, relax, and have a look at who we would start and sit based on match-ups and value. It’s Fantasy Premier League Start ‘Em, Sit ‘Em, Week 10 (plus a sleeper/under-owned fella that should be owned and isn’t.)

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With the Carabao Cup, or whatever it is being called today, being played this week and 11 teams in the Premier being involved in it, I figured waiting a day isn’t such a bad idea.  I mean, when does waiting to see the overall details come back to haunt you?  Maybe with a cheating ex-girlfriend, but other than that, I am clueless.  She got what she will deserve, and no one will ever find her body… I am kidding.  So moving on to Week 10 of the FPL, we either own Harry Kane or we do not.  Unfortunately, there is no middle road, like joint custody.  If you look back on most or all the high scoring FPL teams, he was an intricate part and moving forward I think he is a better rotation-less risk than the City duo.  So if you are chasing the ever fruitful Forward teet, lean in that direction.  But that is not what this Transfer post is all about, we want the here and now… and the unheralded.  The best part is you get the best of me saying it like it is about guys who either have a great match-up, good form, or I am just batty about.  So enjoy the transfer ideas for Week 10 of the FPL.  Cheers!

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Away: Manchester City (1) – Home: Chelsea (0)

The marquee match played at Stamford Bridge on Saturday felt like an away game for Chelsea, as Man City came out relentless from the start pressuring up top and pushing Chelsea back. Chelsea never looked comfortable playing out of the back, and Man City dominated early and often. Alvaro Morata picked up a hamstring injury in the 34th minute, and was replaced by Willian who saw little opportunity to attack alongside Eden Hazard.

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So I saw It over the weekend, and while I didn’t even come close to crapping my pants in fear (thanks hangover!), I’m about 99% sure that Harry Kane’s fear of August shares a creepy amount of commonalities with that homicidal crazed clown creature; both of them enjoy floating through open space (Kane on the pitch; the clown in a mind-altering expanse of sewer pipe only Mario would be jealous of), speaking in weird accents (seriously, listen to Harry Kane give an interview sometime), have an affinity for the color white (duh), and lastly, they both enjoy making red balloons go POP! (metaphorically speaking, that would be the hopes/dreams of all Gunner fans everywhere; FFS that’s not a spoiler! he’s a clown, he owns balloons!) Whether or not the fear of August (Augustamphobia?) has an actual effect on Kane’s past performances (it doesn’t), it’s good to see him conquering his “fears” and getting on the board with a brace, a very important and necessary step as he looks to become only the third player in Premier League history to win three consecutive Golden Boots. The other two are Prem Legends Alan Shearer and Thierry Henry, who were 24 and 26, respectively, when they won the first of their three Botas Doradas. Kane just turned 24 this past July and has two under the belt. To paraphrase another mildy entertaining movie, you’re [once again] a wizard, Harryyyy!

Please, blog, may I have some more?