I hope everybody has some money left in your DraftKings accounts after a Boxing Day that kicked my keister sideways. I had five lineups spread across several contests and didn’t cash in a single one…… Still want my advice? I try and inspire confidence amongst my readers whenever possible! Now that you know I’m completely hapless it’s probably a good time to tell you to signup for our $2 League tomorrow. Two bucks is the buy in, and the top 2 out of 10 get paid. If you haven’t played Draftkings before speak no more and click here. When you do it tells us you care. Smokey and I are very sensitive so we need constant reminders.

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These quick rebound of games, reminds me of a the great east coast philosopher, Christopher Wallace.  “Your flight leaves at eight, her plane lands at nine, my game just rewinds.”  Now there really isn’t much difference between the playa-game and fantasy footie.  Well, maybe there is, and I am just not seeing it as I am a Monk, and have an ugly haircut and make beer and wine in my cave chalet.  Sworn to be ugly, drink and report fantasy goodies to all y’all.  It’s a pretty sweet gig, and yes, I get satellite in my cave.   Have to, got to…  Satellite dish is run through a pretty stellar stalagmite.  I am the fantasy spelunker basically.  So with the quick turn around, make sure you have your caged canary, a good mindset on the injuries and a few buck in your pocket to pad your three reserves with all usable options because line-ups will be in flux up until game time.  Enjoy the most exciting week of football since last year’s holiday week.  I wish there was a more appropriate answer there, but there really isn’t, because it happens every year.  Get excited and as always good luck.  Cheers!

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Boxing Day is over and done, which means you have exactly 24 hours to recover from your drunken stooper before you have more footie to watch. So by the time you read this you probably have another 19 hours left. Here’s how it should go, recharge, read Smokey’s two posts, take a shower, read my two posts, make a wisely thought out transfer to boost your squad, go to the pub, have an awkward conversation full of innuendos with the waitress that’s ugly but in a sexy sort of way. Go home, go to sleep. Boom! Game plan city. If you have kids and a wife just insert “being boring” for the “awkward conversation with said ugly waitress” part. If you don’t fit either of these criteria then you either are a single man at home, female….(giggles), or get laid on the reg and have standards way above an ugly but in a sexy way waitress. Regardless of how I’d stereotype you thanks for reading, here’s the actual reason for the post Rankings!

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So every week, I review all the games… yeah, I do it running on high test caffeinated drinks, squeezing as much of the game info as I can, and then form a sort of “dream team” of my very own.  I do it differently, and I use the best players, but at a shrunken budget, because we all can’t be high rollers.  Why the shrunken budget you may ask? Because it’s more fun and challenging for me, and I can’t just look at the top scorers and do fifty-two card pick up.  So with Week 18 now officially closed, lets take a look at my formidable Starting XI.  Keep in mind that I limit myself to a £70.0m budget, and I will conform to the standard 4-4-2 form.  Enjoy! Comments, quips or the occasional curse word are always welcomed here at Razzbol FC… (Points scored for the week are in parenthesis.)

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It’s Boxing Day and that means Errrrbody is playing today. That’s right 10…count ’em 10 games, aaaaaaaaaand you get this reduced price set of knives from Tajikistan! The Tajiks are known for their knives, the same way the Premier League is known for Derbies and fixtures galore on boxing day. It’s all cyclical, one giant circle of awesomeness, with some very sharp edges. The difficult part of the holiday schedule for FPL managers is figuring out just who the hell is playing and who isn’t. Deep benches are important like water and sunlight. So don’t be a dehydrated vampire or something like that, use your transfers the next few weeks to pickup cheap starters for your bench. This way you have sure fire points coming even when your studs sit. Don’t forget we have the free January Wild Card coming up so you don’t need to buy long term over the next few weeks. Below I’ve given you my most up to date lineups as of 12 am EST this morning. Just lineups, last 5, and picks. That’s it. Boxing Day Matchweek Previews ahead.

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So, as we do every match day, we’re giving you our loves and hates for this week in a segment called Start ‘Em and Sit ‘Em.  You should know the drill but if you don’t, we each pick one option from each position, and then, for a bonus, we show you our genius line-ups for the week.  Pretty cut and dry, and quite simply… basic.  The best part is, you get two opinions for the price of one.  We do this as a tandem, it’s the Smokey and Ralph show.  It’s like musical chairs, without all the screaming kids and regretful feeling of loss. So, Week 18 has a slew of lopsided affairs, seriously look at these match ups, thanks Obama! Fear not though, as there are no lopsided matches in Fantasy EPL. Well, there is if you don’t have the foggiest idea of what you are doing, or just don’t listen to us. So have a look at who we would start and sit based on match-ups and value. It’s Start’Em, Sit’Em week 18 style!

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Boxing Day, a concept foreign to those of us here in the States. If I were really funny I might make a snarky quip about english people boxing one another. But alas, I am not that intelligent, or quick witted. Instead I’ll explain that traditionally Boxing Day is a holiday based around rich people re-gifting the crap they don’t want and giving it to their servants. If anyone tries to sell a different bill of goods, you punch them right in the face. Unless they have a re-gifted present, then you accept it and re-gift said re-gifted present to the poorest person you know. There in lies the magic of Boxing Day! So what does this all have to do with Fantasy Premier League? Well as many of you may know Boxing Day is an FPL addicts dream. No, not the buxom english woman in your favorite club’s jersey. It’s the realistic one! You have 10 games in one day, and it just so happens to be a national holiday in most parts of the English speaking world. So hopefully you are lucky enough to be on the couch watching all this unfold. I have to say, the UK does it right, seems the norm to take two weeks off from work. They have a day of giving after a day of giving! And, to top it all off, they cram 30 top flight games into 7 days..ummmm.Best…Thing…Ever! However due to the hectic schedule we’re going with our truncated list rankings. So scroll through and post your questions, suggestions, and statements of shame in the comments below. Oh BTW Merry Christmas you magnificent bastards! Onto the Rankings week 18 Style!

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So every week, I review all the games… yeah, I do it running on high test caffeinated drinks, squeezing as much of the game info as I can, and then form a sort of “dream team” of my very own.  I do it differently, and I use the best players, but at a shrunken budget, because we all can’t be high rollers.  So with Week 17 now officially closed, lets take a look at my formidable Starting XI.  Keep in mind that I limit myself to a £70.0m budget, and barring earthquake or an extreme case of the mumps, I will conform to the standard 4-4-2 form.  Enjoy! Comments, quips or the occasional curse word are always welcomed here at Razzbol FC… (Points scored for the week are in parenthesis.)

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Another week down the toilet.  Dumb question: does the water in the fictional toilet we are referring to run clockwise or counter clockwise? It doesn’t really matter, was just curious as random sundries run through my head.  Like, why do people always say that you better be careful or you will wake up dead one day?  If I wake up dead, am I really dead and just awake while in the act of death… or am I not really dead and a zombie?  Crazy thoughts I told ya!  I haven’t eaten all day, and I’m running on three chocolate cookies and a juice box of tropical punch that tastes nothing like the tropics.  So where were we? Oh, yeah, we are half way through the season… This is when you look at your roster and say we can do this.  Use your wild card now, set yourself up for the next free wild card.  Maximize your players this week, as there will be a lot in flux with rosters. And make sure that you have three usable bench options.  None of those garbage guys who are suspiciously cheap, they are cheap because they haven’t played since the Ford administration!  Be smart this week, load up on useful bench players and as always… good luck.

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