If you are reading this in the confines of your work bathroom on your usual 10;30 AM jaunt then welcome aboard again.  First things first, everyone is in the same boat roster wise.  That is the by far most important thing about this week, no need to panic and regret using your WC already.  Two moves to an effective roster is all that this week requires.  The first is sell Aguero and bring in a forward of your liking.  The second is sell your least favorite midfielder, and you will have all the money in the world because Kun is the most expensive lad in this universe, or the one that’s most injured. Once you’ve relieved yourself of “Kun”, bring in Kevin De Bruyne.  That’s it.  That’s all the advice you need this week.  The rankings below are important because well I took the time to do them, and you should read them and take some advice from the hand that feeds you all types of fantasy know how.  Week 9 Midies and forwards rankings are just one click away.  Good luck and cheers

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These damn international breaks, they get me all shook up and off my game. Just when I start to get going, BAM! International break. But here we are, all back up in this biz. It’s matchweek 9 and everything’s changed since we last spoke. Aguero’s hurt, Liverpool fans like their manager, and Chelsea is still awful. Wait that last part didn’t change, but I figured I’d remind EVERYONE..Oh hey Smokey, didn’t see you there. Don’t worry buddy they say it gets better. Maybe? This is all neither here nor there, we’re here to talk about the men that keep the ball out of the net, rarely score, and who’s value is tied to those 4 little points. We have quite a busy Saturday with 8 fixtures on the docket. With a quick glance it’s easy to see there’s a handful of promising fixtures when looking for clean sheet potential. Clubs like City, West Brom, and Arsenal all have quite welcoming fixtures as they return from the break and our rankings reflect that. So without further adieu, it’s the Fantasy Premier League Rankings, Week 9 for Keepers and Defence.

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I was all set to write this big intro paragraph about whether or not we had to have the Atomic Ant, Sebastian Giovinco, in our lineups this week until I started my research and discovered Giovinco won’t be playing for Toronto on Wednesday night. He won’t be there because he’s with the ITALIAN NATIONAL TEAM helping the Azzuri qualify for Euro 2016. It can’t be overstated how crazy it is that an MLS player is good enough to be among the best 23 for one of the world’s soccer powers. He’s the kind of Designated Player (DP) that MLS needs to bring in more of instead of its obsession with the aging star Frank Lampard-types. As I write this, Giovinco just assisted on the equalizing goal for Italy against Norway. What a talent.

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Any good or wise pirate always waits to plunder the booty.  Honesty that could maybe, quite possible transfer over to other professions as well; porn stars, dental hygienists, shoe salesman….the list is honestly endless.  With the news from the break filled with bleakness in terms of ownership of players that fell down and got hurt. Sergio Aguero, David Silva, Tim Krul, Aleksandar Kolarov, Shane Long, Branislav Ivanovic are all the names that take form in the shape of the boo-boo squad.  No other injury though is as roster jarring as the Aguero one.  Prior to break and fresh of the 5 goal performance he was transferred in by over 100k teams.  By the time Friday rolls around that number of transferred out should be approaching 300k.  The good news for you is that you can officially buy anyone in the official game because he is the most expensive player.  There’s always a but! Patience while I take a sip of my apple juice.  You aren’t going to get that same Kun affect from a player transferred  in, plus you are going to have a ton of money in the Kitty.  The tempestuous beast will stare at you for days and may force you and all your kin for that -4.  It’s something that you and all your boys will debate ad nauseum. In this case I or my fellow Razz kin will not make fun of you for turning a positive into a negative.  So stick with me on the Transfer Tuesday journey down the rabbit hole of fantasy life.

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Here in the Twin Cities the leaves are changing color, the temperatures are dropping, everything is pumpkin-flavored, and that can only mean one thing: time to construct late-season MLS DFS lineups! OK so maybe most people wouldn’t make that same connection but here we are. Almost every MLS franchise has work yet to do in the last few weeks of the regular season whether it be running down the Supporters Shield or making a push to secure their playoff spot.

The two-game Wednesday MLS slate on a daily fantasy site that’s “fit for a king” features three teams in the hunt for the league’s best record and one, Impact de Montreal, that desperately need points to fend off Orlando City for the sixth and final playoff spot in the Eastern Conference.

Impact-ing (see what I did there?) these two games is MLS’ refusal to allow room for the international break resulting in many players being called up to their national teams which keeps teams at less than full strength. Look out for starting lineups as there will surely be some surprises.

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Well we all knew that was coming, and we should have known it was this week too. Hmmmm am I talking about Kun’s Kaboom or Brendan Rodgers sacking? Could be either right? Well Liverpool’s newly vacant managerial position is certainly of less interest than the rebirth of the FPL’s best player, but to each his own. It was a welcomed development now that City has jumped back to the top of the table, and in even better news Sergio Aguero has once again reminded us why he’s priced at £13.2. I mean 5 goals in 20 minutes is quite the feat, unless you’re Robert Lewandowski, and it’s tough to not be excited by what we saw from the triumvirate of Sergio Aguero, Kevin De Bruyne, and David Silva. I want to own them all and if I hadn’t been so hasty in my use of the wild card I just might. We’re almost a quarter of the way through the the season and it’s probably just about the perfect time to use your wild card. You’ll have the entirety of the international break to pick and choose your players and the knowledge of who’s hurt and who’s healthy coming out of the qualifiers. Now back to our regularly scheduled Kun-stonishment! I’d like to see how many squads implemented the triple captain on Aguero this week. No chance there’s a higher scoring performance in FPL the rest of the term, unless it’s from Kun himself. As previously mentioned Kevin De Bruyne should not be forgotten in all of this. He was fabulous, and I’d happily buy him at the expense of Pedro or Hazard. He’s just a tick below Alexis right now in the overall midfield rankings, but it’s closer than one might think. Same goes for Silva. Funny how in the matter of a few weeks, we’ve gone from wanting City defenders over attackers, to City attackers over defenders. Honestly the later is probably what it’s supposed to be. Here’s what else I saw in Matchweek 8.

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We’re once again giving you our loves and hates for each week in a segment called Start ‘Em and Sit ‘Em.  You should know the drill but if you don’t, we pick one option from each position, and then, for a bonus, we show you our genius line-ups for the week.  Pretty cut and dry, and quite simply… basic.  The best part is, you get two opinions for the price of one.  We do this as a tandem, it’s the Smokey and Ralph show.  It’s like musical chairs, without all the screaming kids and regretful feeling of loss. So sit back, relax, and have a look at who we would start and sit based on match-ups and value. It’s Fantasy Premier League Start ‘Em, Sit ‘Em Week 8….

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Since we last ranked the glamour positions a few things have happened. First we lost one of the better value plays at the forward position in Callum Wilson, City continued to morph into the inconsistent mess they were at times last year, and Alexis woke the F up and decided to join the Par-Tay. Welcome Alexis! Goodbye Callum! Has anyone seen Aguero? Seriously we paid him all this money to be the entertainment at the party and all he’s done is help out with the hors d’oeuvres. Seriously Sergio you’re the goods, the nass, the Don-Mega where the hell are the goals? I and everyone else thought Spurs presented the perfect opportunity to score one maybe two, get off the the schneid, and get back to being the top option in the game. But noooooo, you and your City mates decide to make Harry Kane and the boys look like 2011 Barcelona. That’s all the past now, it’s a new week, so new rankings and we move forward. Or onto forwards and Midfielders, or maybe both!

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As always for rankings sake we start in the back and work our way forward.  It’s sorta like looking in your closet for that one missing shoe.  Instead of shoes we have actual, uniformed wearing players who will score fictitious points for your fictitious fantasy teams.  So in reality that shoe that will never be found and the fantasy players, points and teams are all figments of the the reality we live in.  Weird.  Next thing I am going to find out is that there are no Luck dragons named Falcore and that story really ended, unbeknownst to me.  While I ponder infinity, enjoy the back end fantasy assets for week 7.  Cheers!

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Well shucks.  Even double shucks.  When a cheap, usable player goes down and completely harpoons your roster, it sends ripples through the fantasy transferdom.  Where that ripple starts is no idea but what I do know is that we all end up wearing really cool futuristic clothing a la the Matrix.  So Callum Wilson is/was now Neo, and we all are Morpheus.  If that isn’t a daily booster, I don’t know what is.  Walk around today telling yourself and the barista who makes that frappa-mocha drink who you are.  FPL giggles it would be cool to hear them call out your name when that drink is done.  So get ready to Morph your roster this week, because guys are blowing up, hobbling off and that WC (If you still own it) burning a hole in your pocket.  So continue to read and take the red pilll or go somewhere else get bored to death, and take their blue pill.  It’s transfer tuesday as well as a UCL week.  If that doesn’t do it for ya, then you prolly need a different blue pill.  Cheers!

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