The rankings this week were supposed to be nice and easy. Diego Costa on top, because he hates being a power-bottom type fantasy option. Then he has to go all stomp on Emre Can, and will be facing most likely be facing a three game ban. Way to go! I mean, what goes through the players minds that they aren’t on camera at all times when on the pitch? He must not think of all of us when he is doing this, as we all count on and rely on his goal scoring prowess. I for one am more let down by everyone else because I preached about how he is to own in the Wildcard post. Just sad. So in three games, we will start over and figure out what’s what, but until then, the show must go on as we enter Week 23 of the FPL down a man. So peruse my rankings and let me know what you think. Cheers and good luck!
1. Harry Kane, Spurs £5.8 (@West Brom) – I love him, it’s plain and simple. I shouldn’t have to explain myself, it’s 2015. Has just as good of a chance to score as anyone else on this list. Tony Pulis new system be damned, goals will happen in this game.
2. Olivier Giroud, Arsenal £8.2 (vs. Aston Villa) – The only other French thing I like this week more than Olivier is French dressing. I use that stuff like Frank’s red hot. I won’t actually say bad words, this is a family friendly site. But it rhymes with spit and smells like poop.
3. Graziano Pelle, Southampton £7.8 (vs. Swansea) – I love the Saint’s this week and I couldn’t hate the Swans anymore this week. Personnel wise, the Swans are just hurting, and I expect this to be over early and have it be nice, neat, and a goal from Grazi.
4. Dwight Gayle, Crystal Palace £5.0 (vs. Everton) – Ballsy rank, hell yea. The Pardew affect on Palace has spread stateside. Three goals in his last two was good for 24 points. Yeah, even if he gets 2/3 of his average output over those games, I would take it and slap your mom in the face with a 8 lb salmon.
5. Sergio Aguero, Man City £12.5 (@Chelsea) – I wanted to rank him first after the Costa debacle happened. I just can’t. He plays at Chelsea, the table toppers who have only allowed three goals at Stamford Bridge. I repeat three goals at home. Save your £12 for parts instead of stars.
6. Danny Ings, Burnley £5.7 (@Sunderland) – Goals in three straight, hell he should be up where Dwight is, but he isn’t. When a Black Cat crosses in front of Danny he kills it, skins it, wears it as a hat to celebrate Daniel Boone’s birthday.
7. Robin Van Persie, Man United £12.2 (vs. Leicester) – I mean it is Leicester after all, and by my count he is still the love chop of LvG. So by that formula, the dutch are weird. The all have the Van in their name. Last time Van’s were cool was when I was skating in High School. Ok I never skated you got me.
8. Charlie Austin, QPR £6.5 (@Stoke) – QPR away from Loftus is not pretty, Austin isn’t god awful but he is decent. Four away goals is better than none, and last time I checked he is 3rd in goals and takes the PK’s for the R’s that in itself is good enough to negate everything else.
9. Saido Berahino, West Brom £5.5 (vs. Spurs) – Two goals and 2 clean sheets since Pulis entered the building. That looks like a blossoming resurgence for Sadio. Who sorta sounds like a Phil Collins hit, but only if you stutter hop on one foot and completely listen to what I have to say.
10. Wayne Rooney, Man United £10.7 (vs. Leicester) – Still playing Leicester, if I was torn on who to captain this week I would maybe look at Rooney. If he gets a goal would you be surprised? If he got 2 assists and 3 bonus points for man of the match would you be surprised?
11. Daniel Sturridge, Liverpool £11.1 (vs. West Ham) – Ralph thinks he comes into this game and goes all Mark Morrison… Return of the Mack… It is…Return of the Mack…Come on… Return of the Mack… Oh, my god… You know that I’ll be back… Here I am. To me he is closer to Macaroni than the Mack.