Much like the underwear of a pre-teen, matchweek three was full of clean sheets and scoreless draws. It was a week with an unexpected big performance from a striker and a team everyone was ready to write off a week ago. Yours truly included. Manchester City kept rolling and the Chelsea Bus looked great and awful almost simultaneously. United continued to look solid defensively, but completely inept in attack. Amid reports that Neymar is their next target, the story remains the same. Lot’s of chatter no action. At one point it just sounds like you’re naming all the hottest girls trying to impress people. No one believes you Lee Woodward!!! Regardless they sorely miss a striker to complement Wayne Rooney. In fact I’m not sure how anyone can roster Rooney or Depay in FPL at the moment. It’s just been awful! In the Monday match, Liverpool and Arsenal seem to be on the cusp of putting it together or completely sucking. But it’s tough to tell one from the other. Does that make sense? It’s Fantasy Premier League, Week 3 – The rundown.

**The breaking news as I’m writing this is that City has agreed to a deal to add Kevin De Bruyne to the fold. The report states that the agreed upon price is £50 million and that it could be announced as early as today. If this is accurate, the best side in the Premiership just got stronger. Hurry up and announce it, I just used my Wild Card!**


Wayne Rooney, £10.4 – Damn it, he was onside. What must us Rooney owners do to catch a break…faint voice screaming in the background …what’s that? Drop him for Giroud? Yeah that’s the ticket.

Matteo Darmian, £5.7 – Is this the Brana of the big red bus? Wait Brana’s no good, so was that an insult? He’s been the best fantasy asset in a Red Devils shirt this season. Okay technically that’s Chris Smalling £6.1, but who you lovin, who you want to be huggin?

Juan Mata, £8.5 – Probably the best player on the pitch for United, had 24 points in the PlayTogga format on Saturday. My God does this team need another option at striker.

Aleksander Mitrovic £6.3 – Had a ton of shots, close to a finish on a header that hit the woodwork. He’s going to get hot and could be everybody’s third striker on the official site at one point. I like his fire and no nonsense approach.

Tim Krul, £4.5 – Hands down the man of the match. Made some big saves and grabbed the clean sheet. This was a painfully boring game. Streaming keeps against United at the moment seems like a novel idea.

Florian Thauvin, £6.5 – Looked like a very useable player in draft formats. Nearly scored the winner at the end of the game. Worth a look in Opta scoring formats, but doesn’t look like an ownable player in the official.

Callum Wilson, £5.5 – Absolutely abused Aaron Cresswell on his first two goals. Then buried the penalty in the 79th minute for the hat trick. His first strike was the first Premiership goal for the Cherries. I said on the Rabble TV Podcast with John Wallin that everyone was writing off the Maraschino’s a little early.

Max Gradel, £6.0 – He’s coming off a huge year at Saint-Etienne where he scored 17 league goals. Had a big year for Leeds in the Championship back in 2010-11 where he scored 18. He’s an interesting flier in draft leagues but at £6.0 he’s a little too rich as a bench option when Nathan Redmond costs less.

Simon Francis, £4.5 – Played the full 90, assisted on one of Wilson’s goals and grabbed some bonus points. Make no mistake about it Francis and not Mings is the defender to roster from the Cherries.

Darren Randolph, £4.5 – The new guy’s in the back puking his guts out….

Aaron Cresswell, £5.5 – Tallied an assist and 3 points, but that just goes to show how fantasy points in the official don’t tell the whole story. He was absolutely abused by Callum Wilson all day.

Riyad Mahrez, £5.8 – He might be £9 pounds by week 15 at this rate. Ho hum, another day, another dollar, another Mahrez strike. He’s must own in all formats at the moment.

Jamie Vardy, £6.0 – Got the assist on Mahrez’s goal pushing his official point total to 11, you know the same as Olivier Giroud. Seems about right….. I’m not from the UK but I imagine your coke dealers look very much like Jamie Vardy. Is this accurate?

Erik Lamela, £6.9 – Got the start over the injured Christian Eriksen. He did a whole lot of meh. Scored 11 points on Playtogga, but you have to know he’s starting to even play him, so what good is he? Wait on an injury here and scoop him up if he isn’t already owned. Way off my radar in the official.

Nacer Chadli, £7.0 – Tallied the helper on Bamidele Alli’s goal and grabbed a bonus point for the second consecutive week. I said last week that I thought Eriksen was the smarter play rest of season. Starting to regret saying that, not going to lie. (Puts hands up in awkward shrug/backs out of room)

Adama Traore, £6.0 – Got the assist on the own-goal he put off Pape Souare. My first impressions are, he has devastating pace and could be a major get in draft leagues this week. Go put the claim in now.

Bakary Sako, £5.5 – Was the stand in for Yannick Bolasie who left the team after the death of his father. Sako scored and looked solid, but he’s not going to feature a lot unless Bolasie is sold at the last moment. Look elsewhere….

Scott Dann, £5.0 – The Cult of Dann was in feast mode on Saturday. Banged in a header, grabbed an assist and played one heck of a game defensively for the full 3 bonus.

Xherdan Shaqiri, £7.0 – 11 minutes into his Stoke debut the Swiss maestro whipped in a free kick to Mame Biram Diouf, who headed one in that put Stoke up. Not a bad mid-priced option. Here’s a question, who scores more points rest of season Shaqiri or Payet?

Russell Martin, £4.5 – These Norwich defenders are tricky always providing sneaky goal scoring potential.

Nathan Redmond, £5.6 – Through 3 matches the tally stands at 2 goals and an assist. I’m totally getting my hair cut like his and wearing his number in CYO league.

Bafetimbi Gomis, £7.2 – Scored in his third consecutive game to open the season. Only Swansea guy that produced anything after me and every other writer/expert/zen-master/actuary/accountant/waitress told you to load up on the Swans.

Kyle Naughton, £5.0 – I loved his brother Cal as Ricky Bobby’s best friend/teammate. Shake and bake! He’s probably a fringe third defender, because £5.0 is far too much for a bench D.

Jeremain Lens, £6.5 – The Jer(e)main’s were in full effect as Lens set up Brother Defoe for the equalizer. This is Lens’ third straight with an assist. He’s totally earned his playmaker patch.

Cedric Soares, £5.0 – Played in a more advanced role or as a “midfielder ” when translated from vague sounding pert speak. I own him everywhere as my third defender. There’s a lot to like.

Jurado, £5.5 – Between Jurado and Alessandro Diamanti £5.5 I’m not sure who I see breaking out. Mark my words one of them will. I’ll put my money on Diamanti.

Pedro, £9.5 – What If I told you to drop Hazard for Pedro? What if I said that the latter will outscore the former? Would you call me crazy? Looks to be the boost the attack needs. Bad news for Oscar.

Diego Costa, £11.0 – Pedro is the best thing to happen to Costa since he saved 20% on his car insurance by switching to Geico.

Thibaut Courtois, £5.4 – This is a public service announcement from Razzból FC. Friends don’t let friends spend £5 or more on keeps. Think about your bench?

James Morrison, £5.4 – Nearly a hat trick for the Lizard King. Had an excellent finish on a superb setup by newcomer Solomon Rondon. Then scored a second following the Terry red. Morrison is a very solid midfield option in PlayTogga leagues. Just sayin’….

Solomon Rondon, £7.0 – Great setup as previously mentioned, but more than anything looked like he belonged. Really not a bad option as a third striker in the official game. If Berahino is sold he’s a must own option IMO.

Aleksander Kolarov, £5.7 – Another game, another goal from one of the Citizens backline. This unit is an FPL gold mine, they’re not only racking up clean sheet points but goals, assists, and bonuses too.

Jesus Navas, £6.5 – Looked like the most important player in the City attack for long stretches. His pace is devastating drawing defenders attention away from David Silva and Sergio Aguero. Too bad he’s worthless if the de Bruyne rumor is fact.

Petr Cech, £5.5 – Stood on his head and denied Christian Benteke a couple of serious chances in front of goal. This week’s performs was dedicated to all the people who said he’d never amount to nuthin, to all those people who mocked his helmet when he was just trying to protect his head. And it’s all good baby baby.

Christian Benteke, £8.5 – Had a ton of chances and looked like a man amongst boys. Then again maybe he was… Arsenal’s reserve centre backs are all U-7’s no?