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It’s a tough week for defenders.  Some tough matches against equally tough opponents have totally neutralized my powers of defensive persuasion.  Luckily, there are three fixtures that you can or should load up on, like you’re Noah and your roster is the ark.  Two-by-two my friends.  Abundance is bliss, excess is never enough.  Okay, I am officially out of cliches that make sense. Anyways, the gist of what I am saying is if you have the capacity to load up on Chelsea, City, or Liverpool defenders, please by all means, do so.  I don’t need to sign your permission slip, or drive you there just do it.  Enjoy the rest of this week’s rankings and as always good luck.

1. Gael Clichy, Man City £5.8 (vs. Hull) – This week is going to be littered with the 6-point goodness that is going to come courtesy of the Hull Tigers.  The rarest of all tiger breeds, this one just sits there, is prone to injury, doesn’t spend money to help it’s roster and is a virgin because it can’t score.

2. Martin Skrtel, Liverpool £5.8 (@Everton) – Liverpool has allowed just 3 goals in their last six, including three straight clean sheets.  That, plus male patterned baldness, with the most points taken in the last 6 equals number two in the rankings.  And that’s how math is done…doo doo.

3. John Terry, Chelsea £6.7 (@Aston Villa) – This fixture screams unfair.  Like Chelsea should start with 11 guys but subtract a guy for every goal they score.  If I said there were only 17 guys left on the pitch by games end would I be crazy?

4. Alberto Moreno, Liverpool £5.1 (@Everton) – I don’t see a trend in the favor for the Toffee’s here at all.  They have all the shiny talented names and just haven’t come to good consistent form all year.  Guess what that doesn’t continue this week, do the opposite of what Wesley Snipes said and bet on red here.

5. Nathaniel Clyne, Southampton £5.8 (@QPR) – I don’t like the Saints this week playing at Loftus but I had to include him to vent my further frustration at the Southampton team.  Wake up, bunch of sloth footed forward players.  The defense can’t win you every game, you do eventually have to put the ball in the net.  Side note, Pelle will look fantastic for 12 games next year for Lazio.

6. Branislav Ivanovic, Chelsea £7.2 (@Aston Villa) – Rumors of him not playing don’t phase me in the rankings.  They are just words, and I could just use a big strike-through feature and write over his name in fuschia crayon Filipe Luis.

7. Andre Wisdom, West Brom £4.5 (@Burnley) – This is the most likely looking tie game for me match-up wise.  Here’s to all zeros and a man of the match for rescuing that baby from those flames and then donating that baby to charity.  I was just informed that those are not categories for bonus points.  Sorry.

8. Patrick van Aanholt, Sunderland £4.2 (@Swansea) – Paddie the price looks right, you guys played well mid-week in the FA cup.  Signs are pointing up for you to get a raise.  I am calling your boss now.  Hello Dominoes, Yeah I would like 2 large pizzas with green peppers and olives and Patrick is going to pay for it.  Word, and no you can’t have a slice there Padraig.

9. Pablo Zabaleta, Man City (vs. Hull) – Hull is not good on the road.  Heck they aren’t that great at home either. Playing a City team that needs and wants a blow-out is in the cards. All the Jersey guidettes heard blow-out and City and all of sudden are paying attention to the EPL.

10. Scott Dann, Crystal Palace £4.9 (@Leicester) – I went with Dann, reason being is that he double digited Leicester in last meaning.  I totally have broken my rule about trusting anyone with 2 first names for fantasy purposes.

11. Kurt Zouma, Chelsea £4.6 (@Aston Villa) – Remember back in the day when you couldn’t afford the cool sneakers and you got those cheap imitation ones that style wise looked the same but really weren’t.  Kurt are those shoes.  Cheapest way to get your way into the cool kids table.