Happy Cinco De Mayo Mis Amigos, and welcome to the second to last installment of our 2015 UCL Daily Fantasy Soccer coverage with Mondogoal. I don’t know about you, but my pants are getting tight just thinking about tackling a couple of refreshing pints while watching these giants duke it out. Look at the freaking teams involved 1. Barcelona, who seem to make every UCL semi-final, Bayern Munich, who also make every UCL semi-final, and a good chunk of the finals, Real Madrid who are looking to not only win their 11th European cup, or Undecima, but also repeat as the champs of Europe, and finally the dark horse, the underdog, the Old Lady, the Hunchback, Juventus. These games have everything, literally everything. Don’t believe me? Where else are you going to see a concussed polish guy in a mask, or the return of a decorated coach against his star pupil, how about Pirlo’s beard/hair combo, or the unholy trinity that is Barca’s front line, Ronaldo’s handsome mug. The best part, two of these club’s are goingstamp their tickets to paradise…I mean to Berlin, or as I like to call it freaky deaky sex land. So don’t just sit idly by, get the juices flowing, get crazy, drop a whole $2 and reserve your spot in the UCL playmaker with a guaranteed pot of $100 smackeroos.  Take some chances you pansy! It’s only money, you can thank your Uncle Ralph later.




Real Madrid vs. Juventus

Giorgio Chiellini, Juventus $7.5m – I think he’s been featured in every single one of my UCL posts since 2006. Nothing’s changed, the man is still the mack of the defender game. He leads the UCL in passes attempted with 755, news flash that’s important in Mondo’s format because they reward points for passes completed. Juve’s also tough to beat at home, they’ve lost just one of their last 54 competitive games.

Gianluigi Buffon, Juventus $7.3m – Juve’s allowed exactly 3 goals at home in 6 UCL matches, what makes you think Real’s going to run it up on them. My comrade Smokey likes the Killer Lady to win the whole thing, I won’t go that far but I ain’t betting against them today that’s for sure. As for Buffon he’s still amongst the world’s best if not still the best. He’s also as cool as the other side of the pillow, a polar bear’s toe nail, or a witch’s titty. Unfortunately you don’t extra points for cool in Mondo, but maybe you should. He’s my favorite keeper play in this leg of the semis.

Andrea Pirlo, Juventus $10.1m – A big part of the storyline in the buildup to the semi’s has been the potential for a magical run to the crown for the Italian legend. We’re all well aware of how he can dissect a defense if given space to operate, and with Carlos Tevez’s current form I’m not one to bet against the bearded magician. But there are a few things that give me pause and one of them is the intriguing matchup vs. Toni Kroos. With Luka Modric sidelined, Sergio Ramos has been moved into central midfield, this has created opportunity for the German midfielder to occupy more of an attacking role. Defending is certainly not Pirlo’s strong suit so this could lead to some poor challenges. If you want to spend the $10 + mil guap on L’Architetto be my guest, I’ll happily take your money.

Carlos Tevez, Juventus $11.4m – At the moment Tevez is as nasty as he wants to be, he’s as destructive as any attacker in Europe. Take your pick of forwards the numbers speak for themselves, 20 goals in 30 Serie A matches, 6 goals in 10 UCL appearances, one nasty scar to scare opposing defenders. He’s the total package move over Lex Luger. He’s averaging 11.06 ppg which trails only Ronaldo, Messi, Suarez, and Neymar. The cheapest among that group (Neymar) is still $3.2m more. Take the price break and add Tevez.

Cristiano Ronaldo, Real Madrid $17.5m – I’m not sure if you’re aware of this but he’s kind of a big deal. He’s also averaging 15.28 ppg on mondo just a tick more than the $20.4m priced Messi. There’s far more mouths to feed in the Barca attack. Cristiano IS the mouth of Los Blancos. That sounded wrong but makes sense in context, get your mind out of El Gutter. Did I go too far with the espanol? Leads the UCL in shots on target with 29 and is tied with that Messi guy for the goal-scoring title.

Gareth Bale, Real Madrid $10.5m – So I have a very unhealthy infatuation with the Welshman. Forgive me but the tramp stamp tattoo of his face is permanent so I might as well justify it. This does justify it right? I see you shaking your head….Screw you! In all seriousness I like his price.

Toni Kroos, Real Madrid $9.1m – I 100% explained my reasoning here in my heresy of Pirlo blurb, go back and read it. I also share the secret recipe to my grandmother’s famous gravy. That’s what Italians call sauce. See you learn something new everyday.

Sergio Ramos, Real Madrid $7.8m – Anytime a defender is playing in a midfield role he’s worth taking a shot on. The price is right in the affordable sweet spot of below $8m, the only real question is if he wins the battles with the scrappy Arturo Vidal. The Chilean midfielder is a skilled dribbler, and players like that can give Ramos trouble. On the other hand, one turn over or bad foul by Vidal and you’re reaping the rewards.




Bayern Munich vs. Barcelona

Marc-André ter Stegen, Barcelona $8.0m – Anyone else find it really strange that ter Stegen has played in all the UCL and Copa fixtures for Barca but not a single league game? That’s weird right? Doesn’t matter, I’m following my rule of thumb here, always pick the keeper from the team you think is winning.

Lionel Messi, Barcelona $20.4 – Good lord that’s a lot of money. Seriously that’s crazy money. I know, I know, it’s Messi, it’s justified. I’ll just choose to spend my $20 million elsewhere.

Neymar, Barcelona $14.6m – The cheapest of the three-headed monster that is the Barca attack. No reason to spend the extra millions when he’s just as likely as Suárez or Messi to go off. Hell people are turning down $10k just to meet the dude, that speaks volumes….about how DUMB some people are. I don’t care if you get to meet a dead person resurrected like say Jesus, take the $10K.

Sergio Busquets, Barcelona $7.6m – He’s going to have his hands full with former teammmate and emerging star Thiago Alcántara, but you need to save some coin somewhere and you could do a lot worse. I’d be shocked if he’s not in 50% of lineups on Mondogoal. If you’ve played in these UCL contests you should know there’s always one guy who’s ownership exceeds 50%. That guy this week will be Busquets.

Thiago Alcántara, Bayern Munich $10.5m – The former Barca youth product has developed into one of the truly up and coming midfield superstars under the tutelage of Pep Guardiola. In the second leg of the quarterfinal clash with Porto, the Spanish midfielder was exceptional on his way to scoring 18.98 points on mondo. He’ll certainly have his hands full as he clashes with one of the world’s best defensive midfilders in Busquets. Which of the former teammates gets the best of the other remains to be seen, needless to say if Bayern has any chance of salvaging anything in this fixture it will need a stellar performance from Thiago.

Thomas Müller, Bayern Munich $13.3m – The World Cup hero has a knack for scoring big goals, and with Franck Ribéry sidelined, and Arjen Robben out for the season there’s extra pressure on the German superstar. Had a whopping 24.15 points on Mondo against Porto in the second leg of the quarterfinals and has averaged 13.39 ppg. The price is higher but you’re buying the floor.