The comfort of forwards, it’s like that all broken in chair at your Me-Maw’s.  It smells a little like cat and a lot like cat piss.  Because cats aren’t stupid they most certainly take advantage of the comfiest seat in the joint.  Then they go take a dump in a box, which is now being affectionately known as an Aquero, but at least the cats “score” once in 6 hours.  This week is a calm before the storm week, especially in the forward ranks and it is hard to let some guys go who are off next week because the fixtures this week are so yummy and delicious.  It’s like that time me and Ralph strolled through the hoods of West Boston, chilling.  He was playing he mandolin and I my harmonica.  Thinking about how one day it would be Rex Manning day again.  Ahhh haven’t had times like that since my days doing summerstock and playing opposite Meredith Baxter Birney in a play entitled “Backstreets Back..Alright”.  Before I get all emotionall quick click the read more button for week 32’s forward rankings.

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The keepers of the back end are here.  When I used to have money I had armed guards protecting my back end.  Now since I lost all my money in the frozen concentrated orange juice market, I am resolved to preaching the world of fantasy-inomics to all of y’all. So technically it’s a windfall for all of us because where would I be with out you and versa visa.  This week has some really delicious fixtures that will line-up nicely with the stretch run of games.  Funny that 3 of the top 5 teams over the last six games face off against 3 of the bottom five this week.  That is like walking down the street and having the master key to all the parking meters.  Quarter after quarter.  You get richer step by step, just don’t get caught because you get thrown in the clinker and Big Bob gets first dibs.  Here’s the defender rankings for the week of 32, which if you subtract the digits you get one so that’s where I will start the rankings…at one.  Makes total sense now go get your helmets on so you don’t get hurt.

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This is by far my second funnest post of the week.  It’s all about spoken word and speculation.  Sorta like listening to guys spit daily fantasy advice, and you telling yourself that guy sounds legit.  I bet he totally doesn’t have a special seat on his mom’s old couch in the basement.  The point I am saying is you can’t trust everyone, hell I am untrustworthy, I always leave the toilet seat up and never, ever prevent forest fires.  I am just Smokey.  Plain and simple.  You can listen to dudes we affectionately call the Cumulus Nimbus or the Kool Aid guy. But that will only get you in a pickle.  No one want’s that.  So this week is the wake after the double but before the tsunami.  Next week is the abyss we call roster damnation with 4 clubs on hiatus and filling a roster without getting that dreaded minus 4 points starts this week.  Whether you like to hear that or not it’s the truth.  The rest of the season if you wanna really play starts this week, and here’s your first prep of week 32.  It’s Transfer Tuesday, go tell your friends.

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The name says it all, this week Mondogoal has the guaranteed opportunity to win a signed kit of the Premier leading Chelsea.  Not only my team but countless others.  It’s footie, it’s gambling for money and prizes what could be better.  I will tell ya what..nothing.  Besides maybe an all you can eat buffet of caramels.  MMMm caramels.

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It’s Week 31 the first in a string of upcoming double weeks and the forwards have all the value for this week’s two-timing clubs. Of course I’m talking about those handsome devils Chuck Austin and Christian Benteke. I couldn’t blame you for bringing in one or both this week to try and exploit those sexy double up points. I know I’m sexualizing these two like Nacer Chadli covered in baby oil. What can I say? I love some forward double up and you should too. Benteke is finding his form and Chuckie has been the biggest surprise of the FPL season outside Harry Kane. After all we’re talking about the 4th highest scoring forward in Austin and the 2nd highest form rated forward in Benteke. Forward Ranks Week 31 good luck lads!

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Real actual players, is this a dream or is this reality.  I have been entrenched in straight baseball with a mix of footie for the better part of 10 days and didn’t know whether you kicked a baseball or hit a soccer ball with a bat.  This week has the delightful double match week, well sort of.  From a fantasy perspective, well defense wise it looks like it is a crap shoot at best.  Do you know who wins when you throw crap?  The person who doesn’t actually have to touch the crap.  Hence why my recommendations this week are to steer clear of the 2 match games this week for both Villa and the QPR.  Their are plenty of better options out there and good match-ups abound for the top 5 season scoring leaders, so I would exploit the hierarchy of the defensive corps.  Just makes too much sense.  Using the shaky defenses of Villa and QPR might net you 2 points as I don’t see any of the 4 games they both play ending in zeroes.  Enjoy the week to come, as always more to come this week.  Rankings, start/sit advice, free balloon animals for the kids.  You know that general good natured type stuff.  Cheers

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When does one week feel like 2 whole weeks.  I will tell ya its the International House of Breaks, or IHOB.  It’s half as boring as the regular pancake joint, but won’t leave you looking for guiltless options.  It’s a pancake house, you knew why you went there…gorge.  Eat all the chocolate chip pancakes and other festive treats that they serve.  You deserve it for being patient and having to wait basically two weeks for league footie.  I have been chomping at the bit to get back into the swing of things and start the interesting stretch of games we have coming up.  Some weeks theres double games for multiple teams, like this one with QPR and Villa, or the upcoming weeks where for 3-4 weeks in a row it’s all about strategy.  That strategy starts here with Transfer Tuesday, so sit back put on your elastic waisted pants and gorge on the info for this week.

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It’s week 30, it’s daily fantasy soccer, what else can be said.  Oh….it’s fun.  Those were the immortal words of DFS legend Scooter McGregor, a wise ole owl from the wonder bread section of West Boston.  He mastered the what and ifs of cashing on a regular basis.  I say all of this to you because I was bequeathed his magic handbook of how to do daily fantasy, specifically at Mondogoal.  This book, well it’s more like a pamphlet, ok it’s actually a doodle on the back of a business card.  Still it’s mine, and I will continue to give you the knowledge week in and week out.  Not only will I do that, I will come up with some cliched title every week that sounds like something that was and making it something that is.  Now to me that sounds fun, like zip-lining with harness type stuff.   So here are some suggestions, or ideas for this week in EPL.  Enjoy, comments or suggestions of your own are always cool, cool like Good Ole McGregor. Now play Mondogoal with us god damn it.

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You see that in the distance, it’s kinda faint and it looks like it’s priced way too high.  That image you see is the mirage of a fantasy player in the £13.0 priced Sergio Aguero.  Now the fixtures have been in his favor, I get it.  This week is no change.  He faces a lesser club and the perceived value of him is kinda wonky for lack of better terms.  Yea everyone else owns him.  The number is above 90% for the top 1000 teams in FPL.  What has he done that you couldn’t have gotten elsewhere….for cheaper.  I mean for £13m I want him to open all my jars of mayonaisse, wash my car, and to be quite honest do more.  He has been captained more than most and ooh the double up on 2 points is great, but why?  I haven’t owned him for the past 7 weeks and I have been streaming forward with Olivier Giroud, who has outscored him 45-39, and I stress again at a discount.  Sometimes it’s good to swim with the fishes in the same direction.  With only 9 weeks to go before school is out, you should go the other way.  Let’s see what else is hopping on the good foot and doing the bad thing in the ranks of the goal scorers.  Cheers!

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Does anyone else find it eerily similar yet mildly amusing that both Thor and Bob Villa’s weapons of choice are a hammer.  Well it made me chortle to myself, like that guy watching those old tv sets at the train stations watching Night Court.  So with this week we have a few battles of top teams and if you aren’t a little excited about Liverpool vs United, then you need to check your passion level for fantasy and or general footie.  The other top defensive players have fairly manageable fixtures as Chelsea heads to Hull, and Southampton hosts a probably still drunk Burnley.  All players for those 2 teams are a steady play this week.  As is my number 2, Aaron Cresswell.  Son of a magician, born on the eve of the Feast of Adelaide is the spitting image of a cross between Tom Hanks son and dog the bounty hunter.  He gets the new skippered Sunderland, if you don’t remember last week they were basically sodomized by the Villains.   I expect it to be clean, neat and tidy for the Hammers as the Black Cats I think crossed in front of themselves and are doomed the rest of the way.  Here are the rest of my top XI defence rankings for the week of 30.

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