Just that real sh*t…

  • I’m El Presidente, I Run Tings: Coutinho, Liverpool – Young Philippe just dropped a hat trick on Spartak Moscow midweek on the heels of his Steve Nash reverse hatty versus Brighton, and threw in a goal for good measure. Side note: Steve Nash is a huuuuge footie fan, and actually looks tall as shit on the soccer pitch! Anyway, Sunday is the Merseyside derby, and while Everton are off two straight clean sheets, they are not going to stand a chance at Anfield. Philippe will wreck havoc on this Everton side that is mess at the back. Oh, and let’s not forget that Coutinho is just turning up so FC Barcelona will fork up whatever it takes to get him come July. Salah’s form has been nothing short of legendary, but Coutinho is feeling it. Meu Filho Phillipinho is the top captain pick for the week.
  • Please, blog, may I have some more?

GW 15 Highest Scoring Forwards

Player, Team Goals Assists Bonus Points, Cards, PK, etc  Total Score (Week/Last 3 Weeks/Season)
Firmino, LIV 1 1 3 BP 12/15/67
Calvert-Lewin, EVE 1 1 3 BP 12/19/50
Morata, CHE 1 2 BP 8/11/83
Austin, SOU 1 1 BP 7/21/36
Diouf, STK 1 1 BP 7/9/54
Lacazette, ARS 1 6/13/64
Murray, BHA 1 6/9/44
Gayle, NEW 1 6/8/25
Bony, SWA 1 6/9/17
Rooney, EVE 1 1 CS 5/20/62
Crouch, STK 1 5/8/31
Jesus, MCI 1 1 YC 3/12/74
  • Firmino is a troll.
  • Morata will be returning quite regularly – although maybe not huge hauls – with Hazard looking like he’s rounding into top form.
  • The two forwards already mentioned are the only ones with likeable fixtures from the bunch. I’m probably not playing a third forward for a while and try to get prolific scoring from my midfield and defense.

GW 15 Highest Scoring Midfielders

Player, Team Goals Assists Bonus Points, Cards, PK, CS  Total Score (Week/Last 3 Weeks/Season)
Coutinho, LIV 1 3 2 BP 18/20/63
Hazard, CHE 2 3 BP 15/24/68
Lingard, MUN 2 3 BP 15/27/43
Fraser, BOU 1 3 BP 10/11/19
Sigurdsson, EVE 1 1 BP, 1 CS 9/21/47
David Silva, MCI 1 2 BP 9/11/78
Gray, LEI 1 1 CS 8/10/37
Can, LIV 1 1 BP 8/13/36
Allen, STK 1 3 BP 8/12/36
Shaqiri, STK 1 2 BP, 1 YC 8/19/69
Eriksen, TOT 1 3 BP 8/12/77
Surman, BOU 1 2 BP 7/12/57
Son, TOT 1 7/10/44
Ramsey, ARS 1 1 BP 6/22/79
Mahrez, LEI 1 1 CS 6/17/75
Salah, LIV 1 5/25/113
Martial, MUN 1 5/16/63
Pogba, MUN 2 1 RC 5/13/56
Dembélé, TOT 3 BP 5/8/20
De Bruyne, MCI 1 1 YC 4/19/91
Redmond, SOU 1 4/6/37
Cleverly, WAT 1 4/9/46
  • Sigurdsson has now returned in 4 straight matches, totaling 2 goals and 2 assists for 8/7/5/9 for 29 points after not having a single return through the first 11 weeks.
  • Shaqiri’s last 6 matches: 5/13/5/9/2/8 for a total of 42 points (3 goals and 2 assists).
  • Hazard is flying high again and I’m slightly ina  bind to bring him in with 3 Chelsea assets. If you can get him, do so.
  • “Pogba is the most important attacking player on Manchester United, and while I know Jose Mourinho will need him for every match, you have to think his biggest concern will be to keep him healthy until Champions league enters the knockout stages (these fall between GW 27-28 and GW 29-31. Pogba absolutely has great value while priced at £8.0m, as he remains cheaper than any of the big Man City MFs and will definitely feast against poor defensive teams; just be warned he might not always go the full 90 as Mourinho will very carefully manage his overall fitness.” – myself 2 weeks ago.
    • Well, he’s definitely getting his fitness managed. Out with a 3 game suspension until December 23rd from a redcard from stamping down on Hector Bellerín. Sell and upgrade to Hazard, or maybe speculatively add Jesse Lingard. He’s played 87 and 75 minutes over the last two weeks, the most in back to back matches he’s had all season. Oh, Could be a sneaky play to fill in for Pogba at £5.8m. After they play home to city, ManU are home to Bournemouth and away to West Brom. Great punt.
  • Will Hughes is hurt! Bummer, I’ll only be looking to add him once he’s played a full 90. Doucoré looked dangerous versus Spurs, I’d add him if you need a cheap £5.4m. GW16 Watford faces away to Burnley, followed by Crystal Palace (A), Huddersfield (H), Brighton (A), Leicester (H) and Swansea (H) to end 2017.
  • Eriksen got a return. I’d still sell there and get some Hazard.
Please, blog, may I have some more?

Diana Ross and The Supremes: The top and most supreme picks, easily gonna be one of Mo Salah or Kane. Flip a damn coin, I don’t know. Watford have given up mad goals all season and only had 2 cleans at home – versus Stoke and West Ham – whereas Brighton have kept one clean at home all season, and that was versus Newcastle. I personally will be going Salah. I’m done questioning him, and I think his form is too tremendous to ignore – 2 goals in 23 minutes last week, he’s now “rested” and honestly I wouldn’t be surprised one bit if he does not play a full 90 versus the Seagulls. Liverpool have a big Champions League match versus Spartak Moscow 3 days later at Anfield. Good news is that it’s at home, so he and the rest of the team will be fully prepared for their midweek clash. But got damn, if he just plays 60 minutes he’s gonna get returns. Dude’s hungry, dale comida mi pueblo!

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We’re once again giving you our loves and hates for each week in a segment called “Start ‘Em and Sit ‘Em”.  You should know the drill, but if you don’t, we pick one option from each position.  Pretty cut and dry, and quite simply… basic.  It is more based on my feelings and gut approach for the week’s upcoming and changes from week-to-week.  I look at match-ups and form to formulate my craziness.  It’s like musical chairs, without all the screaming kids and regretful feeling of loss. So sit back, relax, and have a look at who we would start and sit based on match-ups and value. It’s Fantasy Premier League Start ‘Em, Sit ‘Em, Week 14, and we have one hell of a first fixture, a legendary midweek derby!

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Happy Thanksgiving and all that jazz! This writer is very thankful that ‘Merican Football had it’s time in the sun yesterday (or rain/sleet/snow if you don’t live on the West Coast like me) and now we can get back to the good stuff, PREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEM FOOOTIE! WOOOOOO! The fixture feast is upon us, we will try our best to provide you with excellent recommendations as we dash through 3 FPL game weeks in 1 Gregorian calendar week. Breath easy, don’t stress, and just remember that even your worst point total in this stretch will be gone and in the rearview mirror in the blink of an eye.

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As much as some fantasy premier league managers complain about how the game has changed season to season, one truth has remained steadfast: the right captain pick will one hundred percent make or break your gameweek score. My own personal record of picking correctly has been pretty piss-poor in 2017, but I keep reminding myself that you have to play the best choice with the information at hand and not beat yourself up too much for getting it wrong. I’m hoping to improve and see green arrows again, and if not, then I will ask for support from this week’s theme and everyone’s favorite household object, whiskey! Best of luck!

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When the top three scoring forwards for a gameweek are a combined £16.4m in value and put up 25 total points, well then we gotta reevaluate how we are structuring our teams. Clearly goals are coming from more diverse sources, but the likelihood of picking the right one in any given week remains a difficult proposition. Pick your favorite color and run with it, I don’t know – the point is to strengthen your team elsewhere if you are like me and are in shambles in the back and the midfield.

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In now over a decade of competing a ton of different fantasy sports, the dubious task of ranking a bunch of dudes chasing after a ball/puck for the sheer shake of scoring points has never rested on my shoulders. This week, I’m gonna try my best to step up and tell you which players are gonna shit on the competition and give you the big returns that fuel your green arrows of eternal joy. This is not about value, but who will get you points this gameweek. I seriously have no idea how this is done, but I’ll be using a mixture of form, fixtures and gut feel – for the record, I have a case of the bubbleguts right now as I write this, so that’s probably the X factor in all of this. TMI? Nah, just tryna be transparent, yo!

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For those of you affected by the late scratches of Kane and Coutinho (or any other player I’m unaware of getting scratched), I feel for you. The good news was that we didn’t have a moronic Friday fixture to make things go completely nuts, and there was time to take a hit or two if needed. While I wish the hits I took were that sweet cess, these hits are at times necessary and are less painful when everyone’s taking a hit at the same time. It’s like a second-hand cloud of negative points toward everyone’s season total.

This week was low-scoring overall, with the average being just 46 points. Keep that in mind as you see some red arrows, that they might have been just a point or two away from being a green arrow. Hopefully these red arrows come with the caveat of having made your team deeper (to prevent last-minute benchings/injuries from giving  you a zero) or helped you shift around your funds in a more logical manner.

  • Note: please feel free to provide me with any suggestions on this article. Readers, however many you are, let me know if you want to see anything done with it.

Cheers!

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