So I saw It over the weekend, and while I didn’t even come close to crapping my pants in fear (thanks hangover!), I’m about 99% sure that Harry Kane’s fear of August shares a creepy amount of commonalities with that homicidal crazed clown creature; both of them enjoy floating through open space (Kane on the pitch; the clown in a mind-altering expanse of sewer pipe only Mario would be jealous of), speaking in weird accents (seriously, listen to Harry Kane give an interview sometime), have an affinity for the color white (duh), and lastly, they both enjoy making red balloons go POP! (metaphorically speaking, that would be the hopes/dreams of all Gunner fans everywhere; FFS that’s not a spoiler! he’s a clown, he owns balloons!) Whether or not the fear of August (Augustamphobia?) has an actual effect on Kane’s past performances (it doesn’t), it’s good to see him conquering his “fears” and getting on the board with a brace, a very important and necessary step as he looks to become only the third player in Premier League history to win three consecutive Golden Boots. The other two are Prem Legends Alan Shearer and Thierry Henry, who were 24 and 26, respectively, when they won the first of their three Botas Doradas. Kane just turned 24 this past July and has two under the belt. To paraphrase another mildy entertaining movie, you’re [once again] a wizard, Harryyyy!

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It’s a holiday here start side, so while I am busy feeding my stomach I figured, why not feed the masses minds?  No, my knowledge doesn’t contain tryptophan, and has been know to make the casually follower nod off on occasion, but I will attempt to keep it light and airy and just enough ample room for dessert. This week’s rankings feature some tough matches to call and with a lot of key fantasy cogs involved in just a few of the matches. Namely the Chelsea-Spurs match that could go either way in my head.  It will either be a defensive mastery by both clubs resulting in a 0-0 draw, or it could be a 2-2 affair with plenty of involvement by all parties. Add in the Liverpool match, the Arsenal, and City matches, and you get a few better ideas that draw you to be more comfortable with transfers in and captains choice.  None the less, it will be a fun Week 13 in the FPL regardless of what happens, because after all, it is still footie and that is better then having no footie.  So good luck on transfers, Happy Holidays to all celebrating, and here are some Week 13 FPL rankings for you to peruse while eating Turkey or just waiting for traffic to subside.  Cheers!

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Thank the goodness of all that is holy.  We have a full week, and guess what?  The DGW fixtures have been released.  This doesn’t affect the rankings for Week 31.  It does make you transfer differently however, unless you still have your wildcard in your pocket, then it really only matters for planning for the second double.  Planning ahead is all the roar amongst millennials now.  As is wearing pants below the normal socially allowable height and driving on the whole.  Don’t know which is worse and more offensive to my eyes.  We all have our demons though, and mine currently is ranking the keepers and defenders for this upcoming week.  In 24 hours, it will then change form and move up the pitch to be completely consumed with the middies and strikers.  But for now, let’s just stay on course and figure out who ranks where in the eternal struggle for CS goodness.  So enjoy the finally expanded, after it seemed like forever with limited options, keepers and defense rankings for Week 31 of the FPL.  Cheers!

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Short weeks, everything is crammed into a content-size tuna can. Some good stuff, but I keep telling you, it’s actual real albacore. It still tastes the same, reads the same, still has the same value and beliefs, just all thrown together. Have no fear fellow FPL players, it’s all still here for you to ogle. The rankings this week are going to pale in comparison to last week’s results. Especially from the clean sheet perspective. Ten teams out of the 20 ended in tidy results. As a result, 41 defenders ended the week with five or more points. This is probably why the average score for the week was at 60. This week, if there are six with cleans, I would be shocked and wooed. So stand fast and enjoy the rankings for the Fantasy Premier League for Week 25. (Don’t forget that Week 27 has four teams off; Newcastle, Liverpool, Man City and Everton.) So transfer wisely my friends. Cheers!

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Welcome back my friends to the show that never ends, we’re so glad you could attend! Step inside, step inside.  Well, it ends in 22 weeks, but that is a whole lifetime away it seems, especially with the beautiful string of nice weather going down in my neck of nape. So like every other Wednesday, we start with the back-enders.  The clean sheet OCD’ers.  To put it bluntly, if they don’t keep a clean sheet, they better score.  Goalies on the other foot, never do anything but stand there with goofy gloves on that smell like feet.  Seriously, they smell like feet.  Go ask your local club keeper to sniff his gloves.  If he doesn’t tell you to go screw, I bet he lets ya.  Let me know how the results work… I already know.  This week brings on some fixtures with some sneakiness.  Not extra sneaky but some that could be viewed by some (not me) as no-brainer CS options.  Yeah, I am really staring at the BOU vs. Baggie, Swansea vs. West Ham, and Chelsea vs. Sunderland fixtures.  They, to me, seem like a huge trap that Admiral Akbar warned you about.  My general advice this week is go with your gut.  I think the Baggies have a great upcoming set, and Chelsea are dead to me. Add in the Arsenal and City match, and the defense is a muddled up mess of mediocrity.  So enjoy the first installment of the Week 17 Rankings.  Cheers!

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We’re once again giving you our loves and hates for each week in a segment called Start ‘Em and Sit ‘Em.  You should know the drill but if you don’t, we pick one option from each position, and then, for a bonus, we show you our genius line-ups for the week.  Pretty cut and dry, and quite simply… basic.  The best part is, you get two opinions for the price of one.  We do this as a tandem, it’s the Smokey and Ralph show.  It’s like musical chairs, without all the screaming kids and regretful feeling of loss. So sit back, relax, and have a look at who we would start and sit based on match-ups and value. It’s Fantasy Premier League Start ‘Em, Sit ‘Em Week 10….

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When you walk into a club, any club we don’t care what side of the line you are on here at Razzbol FC, the first thing you do is check the surroundings.  You don’t just walk in and take the first place available. Nope you must take it all in.  That is my motto that I am embossing on all my t-shirts for the keeper and defence of things for fantasy footie.  Because once you’re in there you need to find out who is the guy going to keep you out of trouble, and who are the girls who are going to be your safety net.  They all can’t be winners, hell even some Razzball writers on the oft chance occasionally get laid and procreate.  They are not unlike most people in the industry…trolls is a good word.  Me and Ralph handsome as all get out, that’s why we are the face of this store front. So this week is fairly similar to last, several evenly contested matches, and the likelihood of clean-sheetedness is as about as good as hanging with fantasy insiders and not actually talking about anything but fantasy inside stuff.  Lame is the best way to describe it, captains of our industry my eye. More like captains of the AV club.  Anyway rant over, rankings ahead, so hoist the sails, put on some Chaka Khan and lets get down tonight or day (Stupid time zones).

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What a waste of money this Anthony Martial guy is huh? Pfffftt £36 million for what, a 19 year old striker from Ligue 1 with 11 goals in 52 senior appearances. What an awful buy! All joking aside it’s looks as though Manchester United have themselves a striker ladies and gents. With three goals through 2 matches it’s tough not see the value at a newly minted £8.2. That’s cheaper than Benteke, Kane, Olivier Giroud, and Wilfried Bony. I’d take Martial over all four of those chaps at the moment, I’m not sure that’s saying much though. It’s undoubtedly true that Tony is that tip of the spear type player so desperately needed by United in the early going. His very presence allows Rooney to slip back into the playmaking number 10 role that he is most comfortable with, and that’s best for everyone. The tough thing with Martial is predicting where he falls the rest of the season in terms of goal production, because after three games (including UCL) he looks like a 20+ goal guy. That total on it’s face seems outlandish to expect from a 19 year old player with just two fixtures under his belt in English football. But he’s shown a coolness in front of net that can only be described as world class. I understand that this paragraph has been heavy on hyperbole but it’s an honest reflection of just how good his goals have been. His direct approach and ability to cut inside will only lead to more goals and opportunities for the United attack. here’s what else I saw in Fantasy Premier League, Week 6.

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I know you’ve been waiting for it. You’ve been speculating with your friends when it would drop. It seemed like you’d never see the day, but it’s here. That’s right the first annual Razzball Fantasy Premier League rankings are upon us. Just to clarify we will be dropping two sets of rankings one for the official FPL game through the PL.com site and another for draft style formats like Play Togga that utilize Opta scoring. Today’s rankings are for the official formats only, so take note of the corresponding pricing listed. These rankings are not value ranked they are production ranked. So in other words these are the blokes we think will score the most regardless of price. In today’s ranks we’re focusing strictly on defenders and keepers. For tomorrow’s post we’ll dig into our forward and midfielder rankings. If you have any questions, feel we grossly undervalued or overvalued a player, or just plan missed a valuable bloke post it in the comments and we can discuss our thinking.

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So, as we do every match day, we’re giving you our loves and hates for this week in a segment called Start ‘Em and Sit ‘Em.  You should know the drill but if you don’t, we each pick one option from each position, and then, for a bonus, we show you our genius line-ups for the week.  Pretty cut and dry, and quite simply… basic.  The best part is, you get two opinions for the price of one.  We do this as a tandem, it’s the Smokey and Ralph show.  It’s like musical chairs, without all the screaming kids and regretful feeling of loss. So sit back, relax, and have a look at who we would start and sit based on match-ups and value. It’s Start ‘Em, Sit ‘Em Week 33 Fantasy Premier League.

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