We’re once again giving you our loves and hates for each week in a segment called “Start ‘Em and Sit ‘Em”.  You should know the drill, but if you don’t, we pick one option from each position, and then, for a bonus, we show you our genius line-ups for the week.  Pretty cut and dry, and quite simply… basic.  We used to do this in tandem, but since I am flying solo while Ralph explores all the tallest mountains in the world, you are stuck with my and only my opine.  It’s like musical chairs, without all the screaming kids and regretful feeling of loss. So sit back, relax, and have a look at who we would start and sit based on match-ups and value. It’s Fantasy Premier League Start ‘Em, Sit ‘Em, Week 13 (plus a sleeper/under-owned fella that should be owned and isn’t).

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Well my friends, the time has come, for you to sit up at attention.  Excuse yourself from that important meeting, which is really just a pre-meeting to meet about the meeting stuff, and go to that second stall from the end and get comfy as you read all about the guys that spark your fantasy interest.  Run-on sentence, possibly.  Beautiful in depth truthfulness about what really goes down in the thinking process of roster configuration for multiple thousands of FPL players. 100% accurate.  Just don’t forget to wash your hands.  Nobody likes that guy.  So with the Defenders and Keeps out of the way yesterday, we now are zoned in on the front-siders, the assist and goal scorers.  The guys you would let date your sister if need be for some fantasy goodies.  Injuries abound and the potential for blossoming unowned players are here.  Build a studly midfield, flip-flop on the strikers trio, and transfer by match-up not by allegiance.  The best advice of smart men is the one’s practiced. Cheers, and good luck this week!

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The good news is this is the last break until mid-February.  The bad news is the season is flying by like a fat kid just learning about gravity riding down a hill on a skateboard.  Picture that image…  Because the best part about it is you know he can’t fall right and do nothing but get hurt. Laughter aside the fixtures this week are a ragtag bunch of haves and have nots and some evenly matched fixtures.  I mean the Chelsea/Newcastle fixture is the battle for 16th FFS.  Say that outloud and see if it resonates as true as if you read it silently in the your favorite fantasy reading corner.  So the defensive side of the ball is where we always start our rankings every week, and this week is not different. You should only need three defenders in most systems of strategy you are employing, because whether you use four through the midfield or five, the striker play is what dictates the back-enders of fantasy footie.  As far as the keeper side of it, if you aren’t rostering one of the top-4 options on the year, I don’t know what to tell you. So enough of the wordsmithing and let’s get to the rankings of the week of the unlucky, 13.  Cheers.

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I know old new is just that…old, but to the point that it really hasn’t affected anyone yet from a roster standpoint means a hill of beans to me and others.  Payet went down and the roster adjusting has only really started and won’t truly finish until this round of Int’l break games is completely over and kaput.  So the best piece of advice I can give you from a creepy Uncle kind of way is; wait 48 more hours post reading this and then attack the needs on your roster thusly.  Not everyone will/should have a double free transfer at their disposal, I mean you should if you listened to me just a little bit, but that is neither here nor there.  So for the few that do you are probably looking at a direct replacement for Dimitri as he was owned in over 30% of leagues before going down, the second one will be a filler for a needy defender or another player suffering from a little niggle.  So here are some tactical ideas I have concocted in my den of zen, also known as my garage,  Cheers and good luck for the week with your transfers in and out.

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Usually these intro-things write themselves. Usually there’s a top performer from the week that calls for an intro to the review, a standout so to speak. BTW using so to speak at the end of sentences boosts your perceived intelligence by at least 15 IQ points, but no matter. You’re here to learn of the happenings in Matchday 12 of fantasy footie, and not about how to trick people into thinking you’re smart. Think of it as a two for one, you come here for the FPL gems, and leave with life lessons to boot. So really what changed here in week 12? To put it bluntly…..NOTHING. Chelsea still finds new and more baffling ways to lose, Jamie Vardy is a goal machine that could only be stopped by a team of aliens that practice witchcraft, and Jesse Lingard is a blossoming superstar of the highest degree. So maybe that last part is new and completely false, but I wanted to make sure you were still paying attention. So snap out of your coma, stop worrying about that growth behind your ear, and tune into some Fantasy Premier League goodness.

Here’s what I saw in Week 12…..

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We’re once again giving you our loves and hates for each week in a segment called Start ‘Em and Sit ‘Em.  You should know the drill but if you don’t, we pick one option from each position, and then, for a bonus, we show you our genius line-ups for the week.  Pretty cut and dry, and quite simply… basic.  The best part is, you get two opinions for the price of one.  We do this as a tandem, it’s the Smokey and Ralph show.  It’s like musical chairs, without all the screaming kids and regretful feeling of loss. So sit back, relax, and have a look at who we would start and sit based on match-ups and value. It’s Fantasy Premier League Start ‘Em, Sit ‘Em Week 12…..

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Whether you’re on the other side of the earth or here at the top of Mount Vesuvius, it’s the time of the week that you’ve all been waiting for. Its the men who bulge the bag and make the  stadiums get loud. They’re the lads you use your transfers on, and they can make you look good or really bad. It’s the Forwards and Midfielder rankings for Week 12.

Well we’re on the cusp of another two weeks of misery as we’re relegated to watching International footie. Some may contend that they love to watch the Euro qualifiers etc, which is fine, but give me some club games any day of the week. Taking a look at matchday 12 there’s a whole lot of lopsided affairs with only the West Ham vs Everton contest and the North London derby generating any real buzz. Pffft we don’t care about quality of games though, we care about our boys racking up the points, boosting our team scores and gaining value. If lopsided affairs benefit me then I’m rooting for lopsided affairs. From a strategy standpoint the best part is the bevy of captainable options at your disposal.

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Are you ready?  No I do not blame you one bit.  If you aren’t accustomed to boringness with the back-enders then I do not know what to tell you.  The defence and keeper section of the rankings is always a ball and rank ’em affair for me personally.  Yeah it is fun bringing informative opinionated diatribes of word-smithing, but we all want the meat and potatoes.  The Middies and Strikers.  We want it like a diabetic who sneaks candy.  That is all the enthusiasm I can muster this week for the rear end of fantasy type rankings.  We can all type about something else, things that really burn our bridges….How about how many of our spouses has John Terry banged, and then speculate on where Wayne Bridge is now.  That has some correlation to fantasy defence.  He is a defender of sorts for a team that has lost its way like that puppy from Billy Madison.  I like getting sidetracked it makes this whole thing more fun, while you wait to get to the rankings.  So without further adieu here are the week 12 rankings for keepers and defence.  Cheers.

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Yup, I am unfortunately the bearer of bad news, I mean someone has to be “that Guy”.  I do take some kind of joy out of it, because let’s be honest it takes a special kind of a-hole to be “that guy”.  Ralph knows I am that guy, the bearer of bad anything, the most likely to say something inappropriate, blame a fart on the dog…yeah him.  With the week 12 games comes another break in action, this is like a strategy kick in the you know whats.  Just when you get into a comfortable roster rotation, guys picked out for multiple weeks then BAM.  The risk of injury hits.  Let’s just hope that it isn’t a continuation of the other Fantasy Football wrath of injuries that have happened.  So this week is a stay sound make square moves to the good and don’t risk it on guys who have one good fixture week. Wasting a free transfer is like using a 20% off coupon for a dollar purchase, but having two for the week after the Int’l break seems to me like the best piece of advice that anyone who calls themselves anything of an expert to do. So don’t give into the itch, wait for the injury fairy to rear its ugly head (because it’s going to happen in some way) and then attack week 13 in 3 weeks with the vigor of a man/woman with twice the buying power.  Here’s a list just because I need something to talk about from guys who could be worth monitoring, or if you don’t wanna listen to me.  Cheers!

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Every so often a player has a week so inexplicable so unexplainable, it just can’t be reasoned with sense. In the aftermath of weeks like this desperate owners with brains made of clearance price hamburg meat add these players in droves. That my friends is exactly where we are at in the aftermath of Arouna Kone‘s hat trick. A week ago no one would have labeled this guy a starter, let alone someone capable of a tossing the twine thrice. Don’t be one of the 23,000 lemmings that already brought him in. Stay strong and heed my words of advice. Don’t get stuck in the muck and avoid Kone at all costs. Protect your team, raise awareness about #Kone2015. If you’re in a draft format and feel like burning a wavier claim on him, be my guest, but I’d be careful about setting lofty expectations. He could just as easily be out of the side in two weeks. Worth a speculative add in those formats though.

Here’s what else I saw in Gameweek 11…

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