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Welcome back my friends to the show that never ends, we’re so glad you could attend! Step inside, step inside.  Well, it ends in 22 weeks, but that is a whole lifetime away it seems, especially with the beautiful string of nice weather going down in my neck of nape. So like every other Wednesday, we start with the back-enders.  The clean sheet OCD’ers.  To put it bluntly, if they don’t keep a clean sheet, they better score.  Goalies on the other foot, never do anything but stand there with goofy gloves on that smell like feet.  Seriously, they smell like feet.  Go ask your local club keeper to sniff his gloves.  If he doesn’t tell you to go screw, I bet he lets ya.  Let me know how the results work… I already know.  This week brings on some fixtures with some sneakiness.  Not extra sneaky but some that could be viewed by some (not me) as no-brainer CS options.  Yeah, I am really staring at the BOU vs. Baggie, Swansea vs. West Ham, and Chelsea vs. Sunderland fixtures.  They, to me, seem like a huge trap that Admiral Akbar warned you about.  My general advice this week is go with your gut.  I think the Baggies have a great upcoming set, and Chelsea are dead to me. Add in the Arsenal and City match, and the defense is a muddled up mess of mediocrity.  So enjoy the first installment of the Week 17 Rankings.  Cheers!

akbar

 

Keepers:

  1. Boaz Myhill, West Brom £4.8 (vs.  Bournemouth)
  2. Jack Butland, Stoke £4.9 (vs. Crystal Palace)
  3. David De Gea, Man United £ (vs. Norwich)
  4. Tibaut Courtois, Chelsea £5.2 (@Sunderland)
  5. Rob Elliot, Newcastle £4.0 (vs, Aston Villa)
  6. Wayne Hennessey, Crystal Palace £4.0 (@Stoke)
  7. Peter Cech, Arsenal £5.7 (vs. Man City)
  8. Hugo Lloris, Spurs £5.1 (@ Southampton)
  9. Adrian, West Ham £5.0 (@Swansea)
  10. Heurelho Gomes, Watford £4.7 (vs, Liverpool)
  • Boaz is the Bo-sh*t.  His next 9 fixtures that take him ’til February: vs. Bourn, @Swansea, vs. Newcastle, vs. Stoke, @Chelsea, @Southhampton, vs. Villa, vs. Swansea and @Newcastle.  Stat wise he is already a top 4 keeper, come Groundhog’s day, it’s a Boaz and 6 more weeks of winter jubilee.
  • The Arsenal and City match is going to hit the combined 49.6% of owners owning Cech and Hart combined.
  • Is there a a better bargain on the backend lately then Wayne Hennessey?  Tibaut Courvoisier and Julian Peroni form the trio of alcoholic goalies.  Only one is actually really a GK if you needed an explanation of jokes.

 

Defence:

  1. Toby Alderweireld, Spurs £5.7 (@Southampton)
  2. Craig Dawson, West Brom £5.1 (@Bournemouth)
  3. Scott Dann, Crystal Palace £5.4 (@Stoke)
  4. Eric Dier, Spurs £5.2 (@Southampton)
  5. Kurt Zouma, Chelsea £5.4 (@Sunderland)
  6. Chris Smalling Man United £6.9 (vs. Norwich)
  7. Aaron Cresswell, West Ham £5.5 (@Swansea)
  8. Daryl Janmaat, Newcastle £4.9 (vs. Aston Villa)
  9. Alberto Moreno, Liverpool £5.0 (@Watford)
  10. Philipp Wollscheid, Stoke £4.4 (vs. Crystal Palace) 
  11. Joel Ward, Crystal Palace £4.4 (@Stoke)
  12. Martin Skrtel, Liverpool £5.6 (@Watford)
  13. Virgil Van Dijk, Southampton £5.6 (vs. Spurs)
  14. Danny Rose, Spurs £5.2 (@Southampton)
  15. Allan Nyom, Watford £4.6 (vs. Liverpool)
  16. Aleksandar Kolarov, Man City £6.5 (@Arsenal)
  17. Hector Bellerin, Arsenal £5.9 (vs. Man City)
  18. Erik Pieters, Stoke £4.9 (vs. Crystal Palace)
  19. Ashley Williams, Swansea £4.8 (@West Ham)
  20. Glen Johnson, Stoke £5.0 (vs. Crystal Palace)
  • I mentioned it a few times, but who is counting on anything from the Gunners/Citizens matchup defensively.
  • I like the Stoke and Palace affair because I sweat almost all the defense for both clubs.  I predict the score will be -7 to -4  and every player that plays defense for either club gets a ginger bread house courtesy of Alannis Morissette.
  • What is a higher number Aleksandar Kolarov ownership number or number of movies starring Candace Cameron-Bure about Christmas?
  • Get your Baggies shares now. Next nine are awesome-sauce.
  • Smalling is tentative to play with a groin injury. There are no other Red Devils defenders I would trust to mind a fishing net, rather than a soccer goal.