Damn you Charlie Austin and your beautiful goal. If it wasn’t for your tricky back heel I might have nailed my top two picks last week. Such as life, and the tricky mistress that is fantasy EPL. To rehash wins and losses, I won on Wojciech Szezesny, Fraser Forster, Ben Foster, Tim Howard, and Lukasz Fabianski. I missed on Hugo Lloris, Julian Speroni, Simon Mignolet, And Adrian. My biggest omissions were Tim Krul who I embarrassingly ranked way too low at 17 and Joe Hart. Hart played great in last weekend’s Manchester Derby and you’ll see he’s tops on our list for round 11. So maybe last week I let my United allegiances get the best of me. Shoot me okay! Onto the rankings!

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Dreaaaaaam Teaaaamer, I believe you can get me points tonightttttt. Dreaaaaaam Teaaaamer you’re going to lead and be my captain riiight? Sorry for the off-key singing, but that one always gets me. It’s like Shawshank Redemption, if it’s on, I’m watching, or in this case, listening. Well, regardless of my affinity for Gary Wright’s coup de grâce, welcome to the Dream Team. This is the post where Smokey and I round up our rankings for the week, and give you the Razzball FC Starting 11. We’ve linked to all of the rankings posts from the week below at each position. So if you disagree, post your gripes below, or go on each post and harass us one-by-one. You can also say nice things too! We’re very sensitive. So read on young person….

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It’s “all if’s and but’s were soup and nuts” this week.  The reason is because those who own Diego wanna know where he is, and if he is playing.  The problem is, “The Special One”, isn’t tipping his hat, instead laying the blame on the Spanish national team and leaving all of us in the so-called fantasy lurch.  I don’t like it, but have to trust he has some kind of game plane here to either mask Diego Costa‘s injury or to keep the other team at bay and actually give them hope of winning.  It is almost impossible to rank Costa this week, because if he plays, then he is a top-2 guy, no doubt. Or is he?  He may not be completely fit, and to be honest, Chelsea probably doesn’t need the talented Spaniard, as they are deep enough to pull off a victory sans him.  So take a gander, or even stare at this week’s FPL rankings for the fantasy strikers.

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Welcome, midfield groupies, to this week’s rankings. Last week, I missed badly on 2 of my top 3 choices in Eden Hazard, and Raheem Sterling. In fact, after Cesc Fàbregas, my next hits were David Silva at 5 and Alexis Sánchez at 7. Not bad, but I expect more out of my top-3. As I did in my Goalkeeper rankings yesterday, I’ll be putting together a chart each week listing my top-11 midfielders from the previous matchday and their point totals. This way you can see for yourself just how genius… or idiotic I am. So take a look, share your thoughts in the comments, and keep coming back for more FPL goodies.

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Defense! Defense!  No?  Okay, that was boring, unoriginal, and stale.  So this week’s Defender rankings are here.  Don’t rush like this is Black Friday, and cause a huge scrum over the new over-priced doo-hickey you are after.  It’s not going anywhere (it’s permanent type on a page that can be read and enjoyed by all).  So share.  This week (as a Blues fan) has me a little leery as we are missing our best defender in Branislav Ivanovic, who is a top-3 defender in most formats, and outside player Cesar Azpilcueta will be missing one more match.  So there is little there to reinvest you fantasy bucks in besides a Gary Cahill or a John Terry.  I think we see Nathan Ake or Kurt Zouma, or both, get some good run in this game as both are super young and super wet behind the ears in Mourhino’s world.  Because that’s what it is, we all just suffer through it from a fantasy football perspective.  So thankfully for Chelsea, they have the bottom feeding QPR and hope their defense can hold it down with hope, aspiration of clean-“sheetidness” and the vet presence in the middle.  So have at the rankings, I know that’s what you came for.  See you tomorrow for the forward rankings, or you can leave a comment and we can talk now.

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So here we are, another round in the books, and another week of rankings to devour, pick apart, and analyze. Now that I have your attention, three things before we get started… First, I will now refer to all clean sheets against as clean shats. Why? Because it makes me laugh, and well, because you also shatted in the cleanest way possible. Second, going forward, I’ll be ranking all the Keepers on a weekly basis, but focusing my commentary to the top-11. Thirdly, I’ll also be providing a chart detailing the prior week’s top keepers based on their point totals from PremierLeague.com. Within the chart you’ll notice I list the player, their club, the prior week’s point total, their price, and my ranking of the previous week. This chart will hold me responsible for my wins and loses. Here at Razzball FC we’re all about the transparency, and mustard… we really like mustard.

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Ever upward…  That’s the state motto of New York.  (Although it’s done in Latin, and I’m only fluent in Sanskrit.)  The forward position is the sexiest, highest scoring, most Captained position in fantasy EPL.  That’s why they are so expensively sexy.  This isn’t where you lose it, but it sure doesn’t help when you don’t have the right combo in the for the fixtures that week.  Have no fear, Ralph and Smokey are here.  We break down every position for the week, and give you the dynamite insight of why we do what we do.  We use the theory of fantasyitivity… it factors in value, match-up, and a good ole educated guess.  It sure seems to work with the ladies, as they are all flocking to Razzball Soccer site thinking this was a dating site.  Seriously, we have eclipsed all the other fantasy sites combined already, and only been live a week.  So if you’re a fella, looking for a lass, let Razzball be your eHarmony of fantasy.  Oh, by the way, by girls, I mean big husky guys.  Still interested in staying around?  Good, read about our Week 9 best forward options in EPL…

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Good afternoon my Razzbol FC clan, and welcome to the first installment of the weekly Midfielder rankings. Just so we’re all clear on the format here, we will be using Premierleague.com scoring and values for all of our rankings posts. It’s the most common format for EPL and the standard bearer for the fantasy game. Keep in mind, when reading these rankings, that it’s a one week snapshot, similar to the ones done by Jay on the Fútbol Americano site. So try not to focus on rest of season value when reading these. This would also explain why I’ve chosen to exclude Ángel Di María. I, unfortunately, do not expect the anchor of my fantasy teams midfield to be active due to a thigh injury sustained in Monday’s match. If by the grace of Eric Cantona (he’s god okay!) Di Maria plays, he’d be wedged between Cesc Fábregas and Eden Hazard. Are we clear? Okay good! Now onto the rankings!

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So, we continue on with this week’s rankings by looking at the guys who man the box.  No, it’s not the top XI UPS workers, or porn stars for that matter, but rather the top XI defenders.  Can you feel the excitement? I know you can.  Don’t make me get the Razzball T-shirt cannon (that may or may not malfunction at a moments notice).  Just in case, look at the bright side… you get a t-shirt and a nice welt.  So the defender rankings are basically like this: You own Leighton Baines, you own Branislav Ivanovic, and then you fill in where you think the value is.  If this isn’t your strategy, then I’m confused.  The defender’s prices and scoring capabilities are so clean-sheet dependent, minus those two guys, that it’s a hunt and peck system, like when you don’t use the home row keys.  Leighton Baines, week-in-and-week-out is the stud, and it’s easy, because he is involved on so many set pieces as the man over the ball.  That right there is all you need to know.  That, and it’s illegal in Utah to curse at a dead person. So my rankings are multi-faceted. I use form, price, weekly opponents, and a little thing I call a hunch to determine my top-11 playable options every week.  So keep on keeping on to find out more about the men who guard the box.

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I’m going to open today’s Goalkeeper Rankings with an analogy… Goalies are to Fantasy Soccer as Kickers are to Fantasy Football. They can put your week over the top, but they’ll never carry you. You need to start one on your team, and you need a good one, but they’ll never get you more than 10-12 points max. The long and the short, Goalkeepers are the wrong place to invest your money. The best strategy is to find a goalie who sees a lot of shots, but one who’s team isn’t completely hapless. This way, they’ll rack up the saves, but won’t be shell-shocked. Plus, they’ll get some clean sheets.

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