Who needs a silly pint at only 16 ounces? Real men do it by the deuce-deuce.  I tell you, it only tastes better when you get extra, and we continue to roll all the way to that illustrious week 1984(ounces).  That’s a keg, for people on abacuses only, and not the inter-web thingy.  As we roll into this week, it is almost a breather, it’s the week before you go all Chernobyl on your roster.  I say this because Week 23 is actually a whole 11 days after this week concludes, so we have a bit of Frankie Goes to Hollywood moment to assess our team and whether to start paying attention to the upcoming Fantasy Baseball season.  Don’t go yet, stay till the end.  That’s what all the cool kids do. I do it, and I think Ralph does it.  If you do it please advise others that you do.  So some tasty match-ups await us this week, and as always, come here everyday for rankings, opinions, a good Pintrest recipes… or just a quick anecdotal message about the Priest, the barber, and the guy with a leg made of cabbage.  Ahhh, good times.  Enjoy the week and good luck!

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What up keep geeks! It’s I the nazz with God given ass. The Ziggy Stardust of this fantasy shizz. I missed my calling as a battle rapper so I like to bring the braggadocio in the intro. But enough about me, howsa bout dem keeps? In the aftermath of week 21 we can look at the top round scores and realize that three (Cech, Hamer, and Ospina) of the top 5 could and should be categorized as backups this week. Just goes to show that keeps’ more than any other position, are a week to week value search. With this in mind let’s see where the value lies. Goalkeeper Rankings for Week 22 are upon us.

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The forward post for me is the highlight of the week.  It’s like when the circus comes to town and they march all the animals through the center, and the best part of it is watching the people who clean up after the animals.  I think I basically just called this post “crap” in a round-about way.  Guess what it’s not crap?  How can the guys who claim all the glory for their club by making goals happen be crap?  Goals are what stimulate the fantasy world. For the ladies, it’s a glass of Chardonnay and three dates with a guy named Duracell.  Now that information is out in the open, and we are all awake and aware of the adult vocabulary that we use here, let’s look at the forward rankings for the exciting week of 21.  If it looks a little wobbly and slurring it’s speech, it’s because it can finally drink and went to Branson, Missouri for a good ole hootenanny.  Enjoy the ranks… cheers!

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I’m not sure if my colleague, partner, and my writer from another fighter would agree, but in 2014-15 Midfielders have been the goods….not the forwards. With the departure of Luis Suarez, the bouts of injury for Agüero, and inconsistency of Van Persie, cheaper forward options have been the sounder investments. On the flip-side the top midfield options have been, well, the top midfield options. I know, that last sentence was prose worthy of Hemingway. What can I say I’m a gift to FPL…..The greater point here is, spend your dollars in the middle because the returns are better. Can you really argue with Alexis, Hazard, Fabregas, Eriksen, Etc? No, no you can’t sorry Contrarian Pete. Now go change your socks because it smells like feet in this bish. In the meantime check out my Midfielder Rankings for Week 21 of Fantasy Premier League.

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Holy hell, it’s January.  January is the time for free stuff.  Free days off of work for holidays.  Sugar-free soda because we think that drinking non-sugared soda is the reason we are pudgy.  Lastly, and most commonly related to fantasy footie free transfer of the wild card variety.  It’s like getting two snacks in your bagged lunch at school, preferrably a snack pack and perhaps a fruit roll-up with dino shapes.  So I hope you are waiting to use your WC transfer, as in two weeks we will be giving a long diatribe about how to use the card in your favor to set you up for the long haul. But for now, let’s stay in the here and now and look at the defender rankings for the week of 21 in EPL fantasy…

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Did you miss us? No, not Smokey and I, the rankings you silly goose. It’s been two weeks and 100 gameweeks since we did our full post per position rankings. So welcome back to a normal week of content. If Lou Van Gaal thinks the holiday calendar is tough on players he should see what it’s like for an FPL blogger. It’s non-stop, and we don’t have a bench or a reserve squad to give us a breather, it’s just straight pedal to the metal baby. So friends creep with me, as I crawl through the hood. Maniac, lunatic, call me Ralph Eastwood. Goalkeeper Rankings, Week 21.

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Welcome to the Rankings for Week 20 of Fantasy Premier League, or as I like to call it, “The Week Before All Hell Breaks Loose”. That’s right the January Transfer Window is about to open so there’s going to be comings and goings that will effect our rosters rest of season. To further complicate matters we have not one, but two continental international tournaments upcoming, in the Asian Cup and African Cup of Nations. So things are about to get even more complex. I know, I know with the recent host of injuries and suspensions we all needed this like a hole in the head or an anemia. It’s okay Kemosabe, breathe, calm down, count to ten, lock yourself in a private room and scream. But wait!! We have good news, the sort of good news known to problems as…..A Solution! Yeah one of those things!

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Boxing Day is over and done, which means you have exactly 24 hours to recover from your drunken stooper before you have more footie to watch. So by the time you read this you probably have another 19 hours left. Here’s how it should go, recharge, read Smokey’s two posts, take a shower, read my two posts, make a wisely thought out transfer to boost your squad, go to the pub, have an awkward conversation full of innuendos with the waitress that’s ugly but in a sexy sort of way. Go home, go to sleep. Boom! Game plan city. If you have kids and a wife just insert “being boring” for the “awkward conversation with said ugly waitress” part. If you don’t fit either of these criteria then you either are a single man at home, female….(giggles), or get laid on the reg and have standards way above an ugly but in a sexy way waitress. Regardless of how I’d stereotype you thanks for reading, here’s the actual reason for the post Rankings!

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Boxing Day, a concept foreign to those of us here in the States. If I were really funny I might make a snarky quip about english people boxing one another. But alas, I am not that intelligent, or quick witted. Instead I’ll explain that traditionally Boxing Day is a holiday based around rich people re-gifting the crap they don’t want and giving it to their servants. If anyone tries to sell a different bill of goods, you punch them right in the face. Unless they have a re-gifted present, then you accept it and re-gift said re-gifted present to the poorest person you know. There in lies the magic of Boxing Day! So what does this all have to do with Fantasy Premier League? Well as many of you may know Boxing Day is an FPL addicts dream. No, not the buxom english woman in your favorite club’s jersey. It’s the realistic one! You have 10 games in one day, and it just so happens to be a national holiday in most parts of the English speaking world. So hopefully you are lucky enough to be on the couch watching all this unfold. I have to say, the UK does it right, seems the norm to take two weeks off from work. They have a day of giving after a day of giving! And, to top it all off, they cram 30 top flight games into 7 days..ummmm.Best…Thing…Ever! However due to the hectic schedule we’re going with our truncated list rankings. So scroll through and post your questions, suggestions, and statements of shame in the comments below. Oh BTW Merry Christmas you magnificent bastards! Onto the Rankings week 18 Style!

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This post is the reason why you should leave me milk and cookies… or celery. Who are we kidding? A pint of something frothy for this is the highlight of all highlights!  If this post had a nickname, I would just call it Dominique Wilkins, as he was the “Human Highlight Reel” and that’s what the forwards are.  They’re all “flash, no non-sense, this is where it’s won or lost every week” guys.  That’s the hard truth, but it is just that, the truth.  So guessing right is crucial to your weekly accrument of points, especially when it comes to slapping that fancy captain’s band.  So have a gander, hell even stare at it until you see a sailboat, like those artsy pictures in the mall, it’s this week’s forward rankings.  For all the glory of scoring the goals this is where it’s at.  Good luck this week, cheers!

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