Usually these intro-things write themselves. Usually there’s a top performer from the week that calls for an intro to the review, a standout so to speak. BTW using so to speak at the end of sentences boosts your perceived intelligence by at least 15 IQ points, but no matter. You’re here to learn of the happenings in Matchday 12 of fantasy footie, and not about how to trick people into thinking you’re smart. Think of it as a two for one, you come here for the FPL gems, and leave with life lessons to boot. So really what changed here in week 12? To put it bluntly…..NOTHING. Chelsea still finds new and more baffling ways to lose, Jamie Vardy is a goal machine that could only be stopped by a team of aliens that practice witchcraft, and Jesse Lingard is a blossoming superstar of the highest degree. So maybe that last part is new and completely false, but I wanted to make sure you were still paying attention. So snap out of your coma, stop worrying about that growth behind your ear, and tune into some Fantasy Premier League goodness.

Here’s what I saw in Week 12…..

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Whether you’re on the other side of the earth or here at the top of Mount Vesuvius, it’s the time of the week that you’ve all been waiting for. Its the men who bulge the bag and make the  stadiums get loud. They’re the lads you use your transfers on, and they can make you look good or really bad. It’s the Forwards and Midfielder rankings for Week 12.

Well we’re on the cusp of another two weeks of misery as we’re relegated to watching International footie. Some may contend that they love to watch the Euro qualifiers etc, which is fine, but give me some club games any day of the week. Taking a look at matchday 12 there’s a whole lot of lopsided affairs with only the West Ham vs Everton contest and the North London derby generating any real buzz. Pffft we don’t care about quality of games though, we care about our boys racking up the points, boosting our team scores and gaining value. If lopsided affairs benefit me then I’m rooting for lopsided affairs. From a strategy standpoint the best part is the bevy of captainable options at your disposal.

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Every so often a player has a week so inexplicable so unexplainable, it just can’t be reasoned with sense. In the aftermath of weeks like this desperate owners with brains made of clearance price hamburg meat add these players in droves. That my friends is exactly where we are at in the aftermath of Arouna Kone‘s hat trick. A week ago no one would have labeled this guy a starter, let alone someone capable of a tossing the twine thrice. Don’t be one of the 23,000 lemmings that already brought him in. Stay strong and heed my words of advice. Don’t get stuck in the muck and avoid Kone at all costs. Protect your team, raise awareness about #Kone2015. If you’re in a draft format and feel like burning a wavier claim on him, be my guest, but I’d be careful about setting lofty expectations. He could just as easily be out of the side in two weeks. Worth a speculative add in those formats though.

Here’s what else I saw in Gameweek 11…

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Each and every gameweek when Smoke Dog and I do these rankings, the first thing we do is check out the roster of games. We scan through and pick out the matches we feel have the highest probability for clean sheets, high goal totals, and potential trap games for FPL stars. Then you dig deeper into the historical numbers and so on. Unfortunately the weeks where you can identify multiple clean sheet opportunities are few far between. That’s what makes Matchweek 11 so unique, there’s literally half a dozen fixtures with clean sheet upside. Seriously look at the slate of games, City vs Norwich, Stoke @ Newcastle, West Ham @ Watford, Everton vs Sunderland, and Spurs vs Villa. Not too shabby, and I didn’t even include Leicester coming off their first clean of the season traveling to the Hawthorns. It’s a virtual cornucopia of options for CS, my over the internet friends. Will all these matches end with zeros on the right side of the scoresheet? Hell to the no. So let’s rank’em out and pickup the pieces after. Whaddaya say? Fantasy Premier League Rankings Week 11 for Keepers and Defence.

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All it took was a visit to the friendly confines of Vitality Stadium. Only appropriate that a building named Vitality would be the place where the mighty Harry Kane’s season springs to life. That last sentence is the exact way I would start a post if I wrote for the Bleacher Report. Then again I did write it and include it in my post, so maybe I’m no better. Regardless, in what has become a weekly feature of the Premier League, Bournemouth shipped goals left and right. A season that started with so much promise for the Cherries is now slipping away. The lesson to be taken from the past two weeks is this, “Target attackers in matchups with Bournemouth”. As for the obvious Harry Kane question, is he back? The answer is simple, he never really went away in the first place. The chances were there, he just wasn’t finishing them. Hopefully this will boost his confidence and get Harry back on the good foot. Don’t forget he didn’t even begin scoring until November of last year, so we’re a few weeks ahead of last season’s pace as crazy as that sounds. So is he worth transferring in at £9.2? Sure, I can see jumping on the discount and moving out Pelle, Lukaku, or Martial. You know Kane is starting every week, and we witnessed what a confident Kane could do last term. So snatch him up before the price jumps, next week’s home fixture vs a manager-less Villa makes the move even more appealing. Here’s what else I saw in Matchweek 10.

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It’s back again, everybody’s favorite time of the week. No, not Pizza Friday. No, not Saturday morning either. Okay so maybe it’s “one” of the favorite times of the week, at least for me. It’s the Forward and Midfield rankings, for matchweek 10! Not only is it another week of Premier League action, it’s also Manchester derby week. So break out the good scotch and your cleanest under-roos, we got plans this weekend. Those plans involve early drinking, watching TV in “clean” underwear, and a vat of humus. Hey, I like to keep it healthy with the snacks, don’t want to blow up like Steve Bruce. Ya feel me? This week presents an unusual challenge as we have most of the top of the table clubs matched up against each other. Oh, and West Ham faces Chelsea. In fact if the Blues win this week, they could jump Stoke! Seriously don’t get too excited, but Europa is within reach. You’ll notice that some of the high end names have dropped off off the ranks this week, as injuries, concerns about the grueling schedule for Champions League clubs, and Claudio Ranieri have thrown a wrench in our squads. So sit back, stick a hand down the front of your khakis, and get ready for the Forward and Midfield, Fantasy Premier League rankings, week 10! Cheers…

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Boy I didn’t see that coming…. who knew that Georginio Wijnaldum was going to be the perfect replacement for Sergio Aguero in your FPL squads. His 4 goal outburst against Norwich on Sunday tied Kun’s gameweek 8 for the highest single game total of the season, and by far the most surprising of performances to date. So the question on all the cool kids minds is “Ahhhhh Ralph, do I pick him up?”. And in the tradition of any good fence sitter I’ll say, it depends. The next five fixtures look pretty, pretty, preeeettty good for the Magpie ace, and his price stands at a discounted £6.8 at the moment. So yeah he’s worth an add, maybe to replace a Nathan Redmond at the end of your bench. But can we really consider any Newcastle player to be a dependable option week in and week out? There in lies the problem, though Wijnaldum is an established player with a decent goal scoring record during his time in Holland. Do you trust him? Will he be a week in and week out performer? Or is he a player to consider when he has a good run of fixtures? Time will tell, but for the next few weeks he’s worth a flier. Here’s what else I saw in matchweek 9.

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These damn international breaks, they get me all shook up and off my game. Just when I start to get going, BAM! International break. But here we are, all back up in this biz. It’s matchweek 9 and everything’s changed since we last spoke. Aguero’s hurt, Liverpool fans like their manager, and Chelsea is still awful. Wait that last part didn’t change, but I figured I’d remind EVERYONE..Oh hey Smokey, didn’t see you there. Don’t worry buddy they say it gets better. Maybe? This is all neither here nor there, we’re here to talk about the men that keep the ball out of the net, rarely score, and who’s value is tied to those 4 little points. We have quite a busy Saturday with 8 fixtures on the docket. With a quick glance it’s easy to see there’s a handful of promising fixtures when looking for clean sheet potential. Clubs like City, West Brom, and Arsenal all have quite welcoming fixtures as they return from the break and our rankings reflect that. So without further adieu, it’s the Fantasy Premier League Rankings, Week 9 for Keepers and Defence.

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Well we all knew that was coming, and we should have known it was this week too. Hmmmm am I talking about Kun’s Kaboom or Brendan Rodgers sacking? Could be either right? Well Liverpool’s newly vacant managerial position is certainly of less interest than the rebirth of the FPL’s best player, but to each his own. It was a welcomed development now that City has jumped back to the top of the table, and in even better news Sergio Aguero has once again reminded us why he’s priced at £13.2. I mean 5 goals in 20 minutes is quite the feat, unless you’re Robert Lewandowski, and it’s tough to not be excited by what we saw from the triumvirate of Sergio Aguero, Kevin De Bruyne, and David Silva. I want to own them all and if I hadn’t been so hasty in my use of the wild card I just might. We’re almost a quarter of the way through the the season and it’s probably just about the perfect time to use your wild card. You’ll have the entirety of the international break to pick and choose your players and the knowledge of who’s hurt and who’s healthy coming out of the qualifiers. Now back to our regularly scheduled Kun-stonishment! I’d like to see how many squads implemented the triple captain on Aguero this week. No chance there’s a higher scoring performance in FPL the rest of the term, unless it’s from Kun himself. As previously mentioned Kevin De Bruyne should not be forgotten in all of this. He was fabulous, and I’d happily buy him at the expense of Pedro or Hazard. He’s just a tick below Alexis right now in the overall midfield rankings, but it’s closer than one might think. Same goes for Silva. Funny how in the matter of a few weeks, we’ve gone from wanting City defenders over attackers, to City attackers over defenders. Honestly the later is probably what it’s supposed to be. Here’s what else I saw in Matchweek 8.

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Since we last ranked the glamour positions a few things have happened. First we lost one of the better value plays at the forward position in Callum Wilson, City continued to morph into the inconsistent mess they were at times last year, and Alexis woke the F up and decided to join the Par-Tay. Welcome Alexis! Goodbye Callum! Has anyone seen Aguero? Seriously we paid him all this money to be the entertainment at the party and all he’s done is help out with the hors d’oeuvres. Seriously Sergio you’re the goods, the nass, the Don-Mega where the hell are the goals? I and everyone else thought Spurs presented the perfect opportunity to score one maybe two, get off the the schneid, and get back to being the top option in the game. But noooooo, you and your City mates decide to make Harry Kane and the boys look like 2011 Barcelona. That’s all the past now, it’s a new week, so new rankings and we move forward. Or onto forwards and Midfielders, or maybe both!

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