Guys.  Guys guys guys.  And maybe one girl reader.  I wrote Tapping your Captain for Week 4 of the Fantasy Premier League season.  I reviewed it.  I uploaded it. And then I realized I was a day late for publishing.  I suffered through a hurricane (native Houstonian here), cancelled flights, and flooded freeways to get back to my one true love, this article.  And yet I couldn’t make it through the dreaded article deadline. There’s something clever to be said about irony here, but I’m not the guy to say it.

With that disclaimer out of the way, we are going to have to go pretty far on the trust factor here to review my picks since they were not made public. But if I was lying, wouldn’t I have made some better choices?  Give me a little credit!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Howdy for Week 3 guys!  As much as I love to drivel on and on about the goings-on of all things EPL and my failings as a writer, hurricane preparation and travel plans for the weekend are going to take precedent.  Poor prioritization I know, but for that reason the Captain Tapping is going to be a little shorter this week.

But at the very least, I have to stay accountable.  And true to my word, I’ve fashioned a rather nifty little table using my master excel skills to track my weekly picks. Although if we start seeing too many strikethroughs, I might switch up my methods…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome to Week 2 of your new favorite fantasy footy analysis, Tapping Your Captain. As a quick, obvious recap, I’ll be suggesting captain’s picks in the official FPL game that you should possibly consider to get a leg (ha, soccer pun!) up on your competitors. I will make those suggestions in categories of obvious, weekly match up based, and subversive hipster pick to make everyone think you know more about soccer than they do.  Guess which category is my favorite?

Before we get into the picks, I’m also going to take a weekly and a cumulative tally of how brilliant or idiotic my picks have been.  What’s good analysis to you if you can’t track how helpful it is anyway? To get a little more specific, I’ll be reviewing picks with specific objectives in mind. For example, I’ll be okay with my Captain Chaos picks varying wildly, so long as every couple of weeks I hit a big winner.  Conversely, my Captain Clear-cut better not throw up too many stinkers.

So with that said, let’s review Week 1.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

This is the start of one of my weekly features highlighting possible captain’s plays for the week. Besides the obvious research in suggesting potential captaincy choices, including sleepers, triple players, and matchup players, the real difficulty in this column is clearly making sure I pick a snazzy title. Captain’s Call?  Too on-the-nose.  In the Captain’s Chair?  No pop to it. Oh Captain My Captain? Too obscure. I’m losing readers already!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

After Arsenal’s first finish outside the top-4 in 21 years, the Gunners enter a season with a decent amount of uncertainty. Alexis Sánchez and Mesut Özil, the top two scorers for Arsenal in the FPL last year, are nearing the ends of their contracts with no sign of extensions, and there’s still time this transfer session for one or either of them to move.  As usual they have a bevy of talented but oft injured midfielders and solid defenders, but the real treat this year is the expensive new striker Alexandre Lacazette, who comes over from Lyon after scoring 28 goals last year.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

As the season fast approaches, I’ve honestly found myself scrambling to learn about the new entries into the Premier League (and consequently, FPL) this year. As an American follower of the game, I find it easy enough to keep up with the big clubs and their transfers and gossip, but digging into the under covered bottom half of the table is an entirely different story.

With that, this article helps to at the very least set some broad guidelines for what to expect from each of the newly promoted teams. I’ve written in the somewhat familiar Love/Hate/Surprise format, but it’s important to qualify those categories when talking about teams that might be headed right back down to the Championship (looking at you Huddersfield). Think of the categories more specifically like Not Terrible/Terrible/Maybe Not Terrible? and you’ll be much better off…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

What’s up everyone?  I’m iKon and I’m new here, so let’s jump into it, shall we?  I’ve been following the Premier League honestly for only about four or five years, and being born and bred in the U.S., had no real allegiances.  Because of this, I wanted to be the cool fan and picked a super hipster Swansea team to follow.  Ah, for the days of Michu and Michael Laudrup.  In any case, I made my pick and I’ve stuck with them through the relegation scare last year, and the probable scares to come as well.

In any case, that fandom naturally led me into FPL as well, as the best way to really envelop myself into the full experience of the league. Fantasy soccer’s a beautiful thing, with no real offseason to speak of and transfer talk *literally* across the world constantly fueling necessary adjustments in the fantasy realm.  With that, I’ve taken my first attempt at building a team to start the year that will obviously need plenty of adjustment as the year goes on… (But that’s what we’re here for!)

To start designing this year’s squad, I realized I’ve been a little too ready to depend on the smaller squads’ lone player of quality, and that has cost me. As much as a Defoe or Sigurdsson has the ability to impact your squad, they have to be put into situations to score points, and that’s a much trickier thing to rely on week to week.

Please, blog, may I have some more?